Astonished by the beauty of yours
oh my dear how i wish i could stare at your face forever
Never have i seen that kind of etherealness before i saw you. The way that amber tide lays on your face is an absolute epitome of grace and poise, a face so captivating it makes the world goes quiet. People said, not a single human being in this world is perfect but here you are proving them wrong. I bet the angels are mad because you have stolen their beauty away, my dear.
I feel like Pramoedya Ananta Toer speaks my language because what do you mean his words elaborate the things my heart screams for when i saw your very being when he said, “Dan matanya yang berkilat itu, yang seakan-akan hendak menelan seluruh isi dunia, runtuh dalam kelembutan saat menatap wajahmu.” Yes, my dear in your presence, my armor turns to dust.
Now, tell me how can you possess the soft art of making my strength surrender ?. It’s unfair, really. I may rise with the morning, ready to fight every battle the world lays before me, but the sight of you is enough to undo me — to turn all my courage into a quiet longing to simply remain. You have that spell against me. Well, i can’t blame you, can’t i ?
God really took his time when He created you. I reckon when He stated that mankind is His best creation is because you exist. Have you ever regretted being born in this heavy, sour-throated sphere, my dear ? because if you have, then let the beauty you carry be the color that breathes life into this otherwise dreary world. I’m not even exaggerating because you’ve already done that to me.
You are a most selfish creature, you know — to be so fair in face and yet so boundless in heart. The ocean itself seems modest beside the depth of you, and I have long since run out of words with which to tell you how endlessly you leave me in awe. And yet, they say one ought not be greedy, do they not? But for this particular kind of greed, I find I can make an exception. Indeed, if this is what it means for you to be greedy — to be blessed with beauty, kindness, and a heart as vast as the sea — then perhaps I shall gladly tolerate it. More than tolerate it, perhaps. I think I might even come to cherish this little greed of yours, for somehow, it has become my favorite kind.
But perhaps I am no less greedy than you. For I find that I do not wish to share even a fragment of you with another — not your presence, not your touch, and least of all, not your heart. I want all of you, wholly and entirely, every tenderness, every flaw, every unspoken thought you keep hidden beneath your ribs. Perhaps that makes me greedy too, but if I must confess my deepest want, it is simply this: I want to have all of you, and to be the one you choose to give yourself to, completely.
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So, my love, let us run away to a world that belongs only to you and me. A little world of our own, where nothing and no one could ever pull us apart. I will never grow tired of telling you how beautiful you are, even when your face is flushed and damp with sweat after a long day of work. And you will come home with that tired little smile of yours, only to praise the meal I have made for you as though I had prepared a feast fit for kings.
And we will go on like that — loving each other in all the quiet, ordinary ways. You coming home to me, me waiting for you, your weary smile meeting mine at the end of every day. We will grow old together, slowly and gently, until the years leave their little marks upon our faces and our hands no longer move as quickly as they once did.
And when the world finally begins to crumble around us, when the sky darkens for the last time and there is no tomorrow left for us to dream of, I hope I will still have your hand in mine. I hope I will still be able to look into those eyes I have spent a lifetime adoring and whisper, “You are still the most beautiful thing I have ever known.”
And if that truly is the end — if there is nothing beyond that final breath, no tomorrow, no eternity, no second chance — then let the universe take everything else.
Let it take the stars. Let it take the heavens. Let it take the whole damn world.
For as long as I have you beside me, I will have had everything I ever wanted.
And if I must lose you someday, then let me lose the world with you, too.
- Dinda Annisa
a woman to a man, a man to a woman and everything in between
