Us Unplugged #17:
The agony of construction.
Building a house requires time and patience. Neither time nor patience rings well in my confort zone. I feel more at ease with destruction and chaos.
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Those two I walk hand in hand with since childhood. I live as a blemish to my maternal family. As long as I remember I never wanted to have children. My childhood memories remain filled with stories, stunts, anxiety, drugs, death, and life on the move. I still feel the loss of childhood best friend who moved from Vermont to Arizona in 1987.
The ache of grief and change never rests well with me. At key ages my family moved, I always felt security run through my fingers. I lose track of tasks, chores, and thoughts. I start courses, I start projects only to leave halfway though. I hold myself to finish and I usually do by the time sun sets. The action gets completed in fits and starts never in a single sitting.
I am a trauma survivor, the adult child of an alcoholic trying to rebuild life and in the process I am devolving. Breaking down old barriers to construct new methods. This is my life. A life lived off grid.
