What is this feeling?

You pull out my chair

and I think what is this feeling?

not because it’s a grand gesture

but because it’s second nature to you

you ask what I want to drink

look at me as if my words carry weight

as if they’re not just noise

I’m searching your face for the catch

waiting for the moment when the mask slips

when I can figure out what it is you want

but it doesn’t happen

you’re gentle and kind

in a way that feels like a foreign language

one I don’t yet speak

one I don’t think I can learn

I wish I could soak in this warmth

without flinching

without bracing for the impact

that always seems to follow

you sit there smiling at me

like this is the most natural thing in the world

maybe for you it is

maybe this is just how you love

easy and soft

without the sharp edges I’ve come to expect

I want to tell you how foreign this feels

how my heart is both breaking and healing at once