Poison Personality Traits
Remember those teen parties that you went to? And there were always those mean guys who showed up and wrecked something or some body?
From what I have researched and witnessed, some of these people never grow out of what I would label Poison Personalities. These can be unskilled laborers all of the way up to educated, professional and even high performing people. The three most prominent types tend to be the addictive, abusive and sneak categories.
The first and foremost trait to watch for is the Addictive personality. They are heavily addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling and even gaming. These were not skid row bums either. Some were military officers, office managers, sales people and technicians. Call it a chemical balance or poor upbringing. But, they just keep causing chaos wherever they go. For some reason, family, friends and co-workers put up with this kind of insane behavior.
The typical addict has the following traits:
- Mood swings
- Poor eating habits. Goes for long periods of not eating, then binges on sweets and starchy foods.
- Heavy consumption of coffee and tobacco
- At work, they are often sick, late and disruptive. Other people are constantly covering their work for them.
- They often are involved with social and office events, but seldom accomplish any work.
- Disorganized
- Constant home or personal emergencies
- Often broke and borrowing money
Next on the radar screen is the Abusive personality. They are the office, school yard or construction site bullies. They have to constantly put other people down to feel good. These throw-backs are easy to spot. The have tendencies to:
· Mood swings. Happy one moment and depressed the next.
· Brood. They hold long grudges. (Someone always did something to them.)
· Quick to anger.
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· Insensitivity to others/Emphasis on self
· Drug/alcohol abuse
The biggest sign of an abusive personality is the complete lack of empathy. Like the addict, most of their talk will be about themselves.
Lastly, there is the sneak, which can be a combination of an addict and the abusive. The sneak is kind of funny as they will constantly imitate others around them as they do not seem to have a personality of their own. The sneak can range from a gossiper to a hardened criminal.
Whether, they want to con you out of your money or physically harm you, they deploy a wide range of tactics. So watch for:
CHARM AND NICENESS
Ever feel obligated to return a favor after someone has been overly charming or nice? Thieves, con artists and panhandlers can start their approach this way. They can really lay it on thick, before switching from a Dr. Jeckle to a Mr. Hyde. They might start with a joke or smiling face and then ask for “just a small favour.” If you say no, then they ask “why not?” or “What’s wrong? You think you’re better than other people?”
LOAN SHARKING
They will do you a small favor and expect a large return. Sales people will do this to gain trust of prospects and police negotiators will do this to gain trust of people attempting suicide. Hare Krishna followers will give away flowers and ask for small donations. Most people feel that they must reciprocate one way or another.
The sneak will really push the issue about the one favor that they did. Like offering to carry groceries to your apartment. Even if you know the person on a casual basis, they will claim, “You owe me, man!”
FORCED TEAMING
The constant use of the phrase “we ____.” For example, “When are WE leaving?” Or “WE have to get you home.” Again, this is a tactic in sales and police negotiating. But, it also works for the persuasive criminal. In Gavin De Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, he describes how a predator insisted on carrying a bag of groceries into a woman’s apartment. He kept saying, “WE have a hungry cat waiting.”
REFUSAL TO ACCEPT NO
This is a dead giveaway. Nice people will comply when someone says “no.” When someone says, “No,” they mean “No.” But, as mentioned earlier, this criminal has no empathy for anyone other than themselves. They will keep negotiating.
A stranger once approached my mother in a parking lot and insisted that she give him a ride: “Well, how about giving me a ride? It is just a few blocks.” Fortunately, she refused and drove away.
Another example are the strangers trying to gain access to an apartment building. “Just let me in the building, I am looking for my brother.”)
Any one of these traits or behaviors do not make a poison personality. But, when you see several indicators and hear the same lines being used, then you should listen to that uneasy feeling that you already have in your gut.
I really hate to end this module on such a negative subject. Yet, your own physical and mental health relies strongly on listening and believing your own instincts.
Doug Setter is an award-winning writer, former crime reporter and author of One Less Victim: A Crime Prevention Manual. Visit www.dougsetter.com
