What does friendship mean to you?
More and more people complain of feeling lonely and seek meaningful interactions. One can blame transactional and non-committal communication styles popularised by various social media platforms. The problem was also exacerbated by the two years of lockdowns and social distancing, which created more feelings of loneliness and disconnection. This period of social isolation gave me time to reflect on what relationships, and friendship in particular, actually mean to me. ‘What kind of people did I want to be in relationships with: romantic, friendly and business relationships?’ I asked myself. Funnily enough, as desperate as I was for human connection in the times of social distancing, I realised that I wanted meaningful interactions. This pandemic revealed to me that many of my social interactions were based on going out to restaurants, cafes, exhibitions, etc. Without these interesting events, there was not much I could talk about to some of the people I used to go out with. Hence, I decided to amicably let go of these superficial connections, and I did not miss them, as I did so. For me, it became more about the quality rather than the quantity of people I had in my social circle.
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Another realisation that came to my mind during that period of reflection was that in the past during conversation with my close friends on problematic subjects, that we approached from very different standpoints at times, I used to get annoyed with them when I could not persuade them to see things in a different light. Somehow, in a magical manner, a shift happened in me, which I only realised when chatting to a dear friend of mine from Dublin when I visited her in May 2022. My friend is a successful scientist specialising in addictions. She is a biologist. I studied social sciences and business. Hence, on the ‘nature vs. nurture’ debate, I am more inclined to think that the environment and socialisation play a bigger role in a person’s development. She, as a biologist, would emphasise the role of genes. During that visit, we happened to stumble upon the topic of roles of men and women in society, and she outlined a whole biological theory on how and why women behave in a certain way. Surprisingly to myself, I did not feel compelled to persuade her otherwise but rather understood that this was one of the possible explanations. That was it. We did not argue but rather had a stimulating conversation, and she felt heard by me, while I did not feel either that she was pressuring me to agree with her. This was a moment of epiphany for me, as I registered in my mind a very clear thought: ‘I want to keep this friendship.’ I love my friend, and I know that she loves me. We have helped and supported each other since we first met back in 2010. We have similar values in life. We both support the idea of equality of people in a society. So what does it matter if she thinks that inequality between men and women comes from survival strategies predefined by nature that each of the sexes uses, while I see more similarities than differences between both genders?
This explains to me now why I am more likely to develop friendships, romantic or business relationships with people I share similar values with, rather than with people who have interests and passions similar to mine.
