Undiagnosed ADHD: The down stream effects
Well it has been a while since I have written and this is because I have changed my focus. After decades of struggling with various mental health challenges, I have now at the age of 53, been diagnosed with ADHD.
Mid writing the last sentence I thought “Oh, my school reports are here somewhere” and left my computer. I am now back writing and my school reports can wait as I can’t remember where I put them — if you know, you know!
On a very serious note, it is essential that we start addressing the importance of receiving an accurate diagnosis within a time-appropriate time. Why is this important? well this will be the subject of my new You Tube channel Undiagnosed ADHD: The down stream effects.
Let me share with you my personal history and then summarise my “why.”
I was always considered the “naughty child!” I never really got into trouble at school or in public, but I was a handful at home. By the time I hit my teens I was marched into a family therapy session, just the one.
By 15 I had left home and at 16, I was living in my own bedsit in a city centre. At this age I had started to develop traits of an eating disorder that started to become a real problem at 18.
I then had a period of settling down with my future first husband, buying a house, having my eldest daughter and building a career in the fitness industry. The eating disorder was a real problem and I had been in and out of therapy, but on the outside all looked well and I was high performing.
By mid to late twenties I had my first breakdown (burnout would be more accurate now!) and I overdosed several times resulting in having a community psychiatric nurse. In the next few years I would start using amphetamines a little more than recreationally, I continued with an eating disorder and then my marriage broke down due to impulsive behaviours and an accumulation of debt.
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I was 30 years old.
Let’s just say it went from bad to worse. I ended up in an abusive relationship, was continuing to use drugs and drinking heavily, and had repeated episodes of harming behaviours, alongside overdoses.
By the time my youngest daughter was 2 years old I had left the abusive relationship and was about to embark on my academic career. I had a brand new focus and was going to carve out a career for myself in the sciences.
10 years+ later with 3 degrees, I would look back at the episodes of self-harming, overdoses, heavy alcohol use and a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) - all whilst studying; it wasn’t over yet.
Now let’s cut to my “why” .. my daughters.
During all of this, my daughters were dragged through the chaos, the lack of emotional regulation and the complex trauma.
My behaviours shaped their brains and nervous system and how they experience life now. I will never be able to reverse that and whilst we have a beautiful relationship full of unconditional love, it will never be OK what I put them through.
Now I refuse to sit here and beat myself up because that will change nothing, but what I will do is campaign for more recognition of ADHD in high performing girls and women.
So if this is something that you are interested in, be sure to follow along with me. I will be sharing the scientific evidence of the harms of a late or missed diagnosis and reaching out to other professionals to educate and raise awareness around masking behaviours.
If you are late diagnosed ADHD like me, I see you.
Thanks for reading, Tracey
