Souls
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Today I floated for 90 mins in a tub with 11 lbs of salt. Sensory deprivation, willingly. I was buoyant in a tub with a door that sealed the experience. There was a soft light that I had the option to keep on or shut off… gentle music which I could silence or soften with ear plus. I was naked. The temperature of the water was 94 degrees. I eased my way into the tepid bath. I summoned my floatation halo and placed that behind my head.
I floated there. I was suspended. I closed my eyes. I wasn’t warm and I wasn’t cold. I just was. It was like I was in the womb. Sometimes I could see light flashes and sometimes I could hear the music. I let go. Thoughts came to me. They were busy thoughts… I let them go too. I wanted to go deep. I wanted to be shown something. That was my intention. Depth. While I was afloat. I soon felt like I was tumbling forward. Like I was in outer space. At first I was uncomfortable with this… but soon I kept trying to recreate that feeling. When I found it again I was happy. Then I was a baby. I saw my soul. Babies have a soul not clouded or covered by life’s traumas and subsequent coping mechanisms. Babies are pure soul. Yet sitting ducks. Then I walked through my childhood home. A place I often go in my mind when on my yoga mat. I walked around looking for something. Answers. There’s no one home. I think of my sister. How I was rough on her and how this impacted her development of self and character and the person she became. I thought of my mother. How she looked when I was a child. Young. And my father. Young. I kept floating. Not knowing if I have been in there for 5 mins or 5 hours. Time was nonexistent. As it is in space. I saw my inner child. Briefly. I was at camp on the warm dock by the lake. I recall trying to be there as an informed an aware adult. There with the children. Myself and my sister. As a calm and comforting support. Intermittently I would stretch my body out long. I repositioned my self. It would bring me out of the depths but not entirely. I was doing work. Trying to clear my mind and see what I needed to see. Then expectedly or unexpectedly, I don’t know, came the instrumental version of the song “Where is my mind” by the Pixies, which signaled the float session had come to an end. This was the perfect way to close this journey. To float was more of a journey for me than growing into a tree, lying like a child, and dying on my yoga mat and a less aggressive of journey than psilocybin or ayahuasca as my ego remained intact… but sidelined for sure. Feeling grateful for all of the journeys I give to myself. Depth is limitless. It’s outer space. It’s memories. It’s mine.
