Childless or Childfree?

What is the difference? Is there a difference?

Within the childfree community, absolutely. To be childfree means:

• The bare minimum — You do not want or do not have children
• If you have stepchildren then you are not childfree.
• If you want children in the future but do not have any yet, you are not childfree then you are childless.
• If you willingly pursue a serious relationship with someone who has kids, then you are not childfree.

Within certain groups, there are rules you must follow. You’re not allowed to show the faces of children, pregnant women, etc.. If you do, those images must be cropped, edited, and/or covered in some way. If the original poster wants to include them without the edits, then the next step is to nest the image. Nesting on Facebook is simply making a comment and replying multiple times with warnings and then the user can post the picture. This is absolutely necessary for these groups as some members have phobias of pregnancy, and it’s a basic sign of respect towards the members.

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Facebook administrators are in charge of making sure the rules are being followed, but also to catch spies within the groups. It is fairly common in many different Facebook groups for someone to join solely to screenshot and share the post in another group to make fun of them. We often see people with children try to argue in the childfree groups. Childfree people always seem to get the same repetitive talking points from people with children.

1. Parenthood isn’t always what people thought it would be, and sometimes it can feel like they have been cheated out of life. We’re told from a young age that parenthood is a magical thing, but reality can say differently.
2. Some aspiring parents believe that life is meaningless without children and that children should be the ultimate goal.
3. Men who hate women who are childfree are often taught that all women want to be mothers. Some have been told that “real men” are fathers and seeing other men opt out means they must not be real men.
4. Women with children often try to put down childfree women because of their own insecurities. It can stem from jealousy or superiority.

Why does this conversation matter?

These random Facebook groups show that there will always be another option. That I am not trapped by old values. From a young age, I was always told that the steps were marriage then children, and that the nuclear family should be the destination. What if mine is different? Should I be shunned for choosing myself?

Why is it that when I say I don’t want children, it becomes a debate. Why should I have to provide excuses to strangers about how I control my body and my life? Why do some people ask me about children but ask my husband about his hobbies?

Must I become miserable to please people I do not know?

The constant judgement is exhausting.