April 17th, 2025, Tallahassee, FL
Dedicated to Tiru Chabba, Robert Morales, Madison Askins, and all other injured victims.
I cried on my way to work today. I cried because this was exactly how Thursday started. It was a normal day. I drove to work, I did my job, and went to lunch.
I was at a new school that day. I substitute, so I bounce around a lot. The staff in the office led me to the teacher’s lounge, where I was eating my lunch in peace.
After I peeled my orange, I got a text notification from the person I am usually happiest to hear from.
“Shooter I love you”
I didn’t think much of it. I assumed he made a typo.
“Who’s shooter? Your other girlfriend”
I never felt as dumb as I did after that when I learned what was really going on. I almost didn’t believe it. I thought it must’ve been some kind of false alarm, some sick joke.
I walked slowly, as calmly as I could, out to the front desk. I was determined to drive back to campus. I wasn’t thinking straight; all I wanted to do was get my partner. At the very least, I knew I couldn’t be in a classroom.
“There’s a shooter on FSU’s campus…”
That was all the farther I got before I broke down in tears. The kind lady who I had just met that morning and exchanged about 5 words with prior took me behind her desk. She comforted me and searched the news. We couldn’t find anything, which brought me some hope.
She brought me into a conference room where I continued to text my partner. He was hunkered in the basement of Dirac. Though he comforted me, letting me know he was in the last place a shooter would look, I was terrified. He was hiding for his life.
I walked out of the room once I was told the school was on “lock-out,” and no students could leave. At this point, I regained some of my senses and knew driving to campus wasn’t an option. Becky, the attendance and substitute coordinator, looked at me and asked if I had people on campus. I nodded. We cried, and hugged, and I spent the next two hours in her office.
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I was still in denial. I thought it must be fake. Then the Democrat started reporting. Then CNN, and ABC, and CBS. I started to realize this was so unbelievably real.
I texted my parents and let them know what was going on. They were worried and scared, but grateful that I was safe. I told them that my partner was also safe, though I wasn’t really sure if that was true, and kept them updated.
Misinformation was pouring in. There are 3 or 4 shooters. There are shooters at TSC and FAMU, too. 5 dead, 7 dead, 30+ injured. These were all things I heard.
Then came the videos. Gunshots. People running. A girl, body limp, actively bleeding out. I think I became numb at some point.
The high school released on time. This was when I knew the threat had been neutralized. They wouldn’t have released the schools if campus was still a danger.
Campus, however, still wasn’t cleared, and I knew road blockages would make it nearly impossible to go home, so I went to a nail appointment I had booked. It felt wrong, but I had nowhere else to go.
Before my appointment, I ran into Whole Foods to use the restroom. There, I ran into a friend. I asked how she was holding up, and she asked me. I said I got very close with the strangers in the office. Her answer has stuck with me through all this.
“Oh yeah, just running across campus.”
I cannot stop picturing all of my peers running for their lives.
I learned shortly after that that my partner was evacuated. I pictured him walking out of the basement with his hands above his head. It made me absolutely sick to my stomach. I just wanted to speed home and hug him, but campus at that point was still not cleared.
I finished up with my appointment and was finally able to go home. I walked in the door and gave my partner a long, long hug. We sat on the couch along with my roommate and best friend and watched the news unfold.
I had gotten home just in time to watch the press conference. 2 dead. I was hoping the 6 confirmed injured would be the only reported victims. 2 dead.
The days since then have been a blur. I’ve received texts from several people. I’ve watched vigils pop up on campus around every corner. I think at this point, there are more bouquets on campus than people.
I’ve read and listened to testimony from everyone. People who ran for their lives, people who hid, people who watched other people die, people who feared for the safety of their loved ones. It’s surreal.
I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve watched the community come together in ways I never thought it would.
I cried on the way to work today. I cried on my drive to the high school that the person who did this to my community went to. I cried, and I cried, and I cried.
