Family Business
I am terrified by the prospect
of never getting free of it.
I feel the pull of the impossible and the miraculous
existing side by side.
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Who knows —
my life may be a story of grit and resilience
or a cautionary tale of a doomed dreamer.
I was there when the pandemic brought its tidal wave of helplessness.
Somehow, we made it through.
When I play the uncertainty forward, it gives me pause —
Do I live as if things are working out for me?
Or as if I know there is no hope?
Or retreat into the stoicism of a survivalist or a monk,
living on less than nothing?
In the end, I am not sure any of it matters.
Any choice may be right or wrong,
or completely inconsequential.
Perhaps all I can know for sure is simpler:
Was I able to keep loving my family?
Was I honorable?
Could I be trusted?
Was I able to forgive and let go of resentment?
Did I somehow manage to enjoy the ride?
