Finessed
Recently, I took two kids I’ve been mentoring to the movies. One is about to start his freshman year in high school and the other is going into his junior year. It was the day before the new school year started so I wanted to treat them to celebrate the end of the summer. My plan was to stop at the gas station so we can buy our snacks then go and see Spider-man: Homecoming.
When I went to pick them up I found out they didn’t want to see Spider-man: Homecoming. They wanted to see The Emoji Movie or Annabelle: Creation. I told them I didn’t want to see Annabelle: Creation so we’ll see The Emoji Movie. We got our snacks then headed to the theaters. When we got there, the theater was packed with people and tickets for The Emoji Movie was sold out.
Then it happened. I was finessed. According to UrbanDictionary.com, one of the ways the word ‘finesse’ is defined is “an art of persuasion or trickery in which an individual is able to get something they want with the cunning prowess of an illusionist or wizard.” That’s what happened, all of a sudden I was persuaded to take these underage kids to see the ‘R’ rated horror flick Annabelle: Creation.
Freshman: Emoji Movie is sold out, I guess we have to see Annabelle: Creation.
Me: Nahhhh….Junior, what do you think?
Junior: It don’t matter to me. (Working with this kid for a while now, whenever he says this it means he wants to, otherwise he’ll just say no.)
There we stood in this busy movie theater trying to make a decision about which film to see. I stood there conflicted. Conflicted because first, I wanted to treat them. I’ve been working with them all summer and we weren’t going to do this anymore. Second, because I wanted to treat them to see a movie they wanted to see and enjoy. Some people like horror films. Third, I hate horror movies. I’m superstitious and I don’t want to expose myself to that type of content.
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Me: I don’t think your parents would like you to see that.
Freshman: They don’t care! We watch scary movies all the time.
Me: Your grandma, wouldn’t like it.
Junior: We gonna watch it on our phones anyways. It don’t matter.
I thought about it some more. I wanted to see Girls Trip anyway and this was my opportunity. Annabelle: Creation started around the same time that Girls Trip started so I bought two tickets for them to see Annabelle: Creation while I went to see Girls Trip. They were happy, I was happy. I thought I made a wise decision but after we split to see our movies I realized it was a mistake. If I had kids of my own, I would never take them to see an ‘R’ rated movie like that. Why would I do that with kids I’m mentoring?
After our movies were over, I was disappointed in myself. Especially after their grandmother found out I took them to see that movie. She was disappointed in me and them. It’s after you make a mistake that you realize all the other routes you could have taken. I could have said ‘lets do this another time’ or just stick with my ‘no.’
Mentorship is sometimes challenging because you have the best intentions but it may not always go the way you imagine. I learned from this experience that mentorship means mentoring from a place where your values and who you are align. That you are not settling with anything other than the standard you set for yourself. That, instead, you come from that place of true authenticity.
I was finessed, and that’s okay. I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that my influence must always come from the truth of who I am no matter the persuasion to do otherwise. That the standard that I set for myself is where I should come from. Not to settle because other people have different ideas but to remain true to myself.
