It’s Finally Over — Ectopic Pregnancy (Part 6)
Links to other parts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
By 1:15 AM I was back in the emergency room waiting area and wanted nothing more than to lie down, as the gas pains, rectal pressure, and tiredness were really getting to me. Probably around 1:30 or so someone came to draw my blood. At first, I was fine, but a couple of minutes afterward I started getting lightheaded. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to call someone over, nor did I want to faint and fall out of the chair, so I just got down on my back on the floor and hoped that no one would notice. Almost immediately I had ER staff telling me I couldn’t lay on the floor and that I needed to get up because I couldn’t block the way if there was an emergency. I explained that I felt lightheaded after the blood draw and just needed to lie down for a minute, but they made me get up and go to the check-in area where they were taking my vitals, putting an IV into my hand, and telling me to “stay with them” while sitting up. Super pleasant. But after all of that, they managed to find me a recliner so I could lay back and relax for a while (and I may have even taken a short nap).
At about 2:40 AM they got me a private room. I was so relieved to be able to lie down. I watched Celebrity Family Feud knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep. The hospital bed was uncomfortable, I was cold, having gas pains off and on, and had a blood pressure cuff on my arm that would turn on every 10–15 minutes or so, which would interrupt any sleep I tried to get.
At about 3:30 AM a resident came to discuss the results of the ultrasound with me. The ectopic pregnancy was no longer visible in my tube, and there was no sign of my tube rupturing — all good news. They also saw a cyst on my left ovary, 5 centimeters across at its widest point, which she described as “pretty small.” The blood tests they ran had a few things that are outside the normal range that could be caused by a lot of different things, and the urine test was clean. The resident said it was likely the cyst causing my pain, and she prescribed me some Motrin. She said the cyst would likely resolve itself on its own but I should follow up with my OB in a few weeks to see if they want to do another ultrasound to see if it has changed in size. They got my paperwork started but it would take some time before I would be okayed to leave.
At 4:20 AM on Tuesday, Aug 2nd I was released to go home, so Steven came to get me. I was in some pain the next couple of days, but I managed to get through it okay with some ibuprofen. I half regretted going to the ER that night, knowing that we spent a few thousand dollars only to find out it was “just a cyst.” How was I supposed to have known, though? I really was in pain and it was totally possible that I had ruptured. Had I ignored it and it turned out I actually did rupture, I would have regretted that decision way more; however, I also likely would have gone back to the hospital (or at least my OB) to get checked out considering what happened over the following days.
Wednesday night (technically early Thursday morning), I woke up multiple times during the night with extreme body soreness and headaches that continued into Thursday. I was feeling really crappy and it was affecting my ability to take care of our toddler. It took everything I had just to do the bare minimum (diaper changes, making sure he was fed, putting him down for his nap), and could barely stay awake on the couch. I decided to take a nap (which I never do) around 1 PM and slept restlessly until about 6. I took my temperature and discovered I had a fever of 102.6. On top of the body aches and headaches, I was nauseous and really didn’t want to eat, but I knew I needed to so I could take some ibuprofen, which should never be taken on an empty stomach. I went to bed early at 8:30 PM.
I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat but feeling much better. My clothes and our sheets were soaked. (It was disgusting.) It seemed like too much effort to change the sheets in the middle of the night, so I slept on a towel, which was very uncomfortable, and I wished I had just changed the sheets instead.
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In the morning slight body aches and headache remained, but my fever was only 100.1 and I felt a lot better. To this day I still don’t know what caused all of those crazy symptoms, but I have a hunch that it was either the ovarian cyst that ruptured or I had Covid (as my symptoms were similar to what I had experienced previously).
In the ER my hCG was 529. About a week later it had dropped to 156, and two weeks after that it was 3.6 — below 5, so I was no longer considered pregnant and was officially in the clear.
It was finally over. Well, at least the pregnancy and the risk of rupture was. I could return to my regularly scheduled activities and get back on my prenatal vitamins to prepare my body for trying again, which we wanted to do at the soonest opportunity (which would be mid-October).
Mentally it’s not over at all, and I don’t think it ever will be. It’s now almost 8 months post-injection and I’ve had another two losses (which I will detail in future stories), one of which is very fresh. (The pregnancy of unknown location officially resolved one week ago.) Once or twice a week I break down crying. My grief just keeps getting bigger, and my hope of growing our family keeps getting smaller.
I’ve been doing a few things to help me heal, such as writing this blog, starting therapy, attending a monthly support group through The One Wish Foundation, talking to a few friends who have also experienced loss (either new ones I met on this journey or ones I reconnected with), participating in the Facebook communities I joined related to ectopic pregnancies or pregnancy loss, and listening to a podcast I discovered called The Joyful Mourning Podcast (and perusing the website that came first, The Morning).
If you are a grieving mother who has experienced the loss of a baby, or someone who loves a grieving mother, The Morning has some wonderful resources that you might find helpful.
Stay tuned for my next post which will be about my chemical pregnancy.
