A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions
For the purpose of this post, my perspective is grounded solely in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.
Social media is arguably the most accessible form of information on feminism and patriarchy today. While most of the content addresses the right kind of opinions, we cannot deny the fact that some of it might be trapping our thought processes inside a more harmful bubble where our opinions are no different from those of a female chauvinist. My writing here will likely summarise most things that we’ve already heard on these platforms, but it will be more organised and out of more genuine intentions.
Femininity and feminism are not associated with one another. Yet, throughout my teenage years, like most young girls, I rejected femininity and any other related behaviours, hoping my thoughts would become more “empowering”. Rejecting the idea of femininity is so hard-wired in young women because they have seen throughout their lives that people embracing femininity- the women we saw throughout our lives were the ones who were oppressed, who were sadder. So naturally, every young girl wanted to be more like her father than her mother.
Early on in our childhood, most of us were immersed in and in love with Disney movies, the ones where a woman’s worth is measured by how “pure”, “fair”, “beautiful”, “sweet” or “nurturing” she is. All she does in every movie, with some exceptions like Mulan, The Princess and the Frog, and Frozen, is wait for a prince to save her.
More and more women should understand that marriage is not an accomplishment. It is not the sole purpose of our lives. It is an institution of partnership which, in most cultures, has been deeply infected by patriarchy, and women have been made to endure it because of their “love” or “devotion”.
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Popular culture has advertised for ages what women should look like, how they should behave and act to become more likeable. Why is it so hard-wired in our heads that we must be likeable all the time? We must understand that us sacrificing our core beliefs and values, on any matter, just to be accepted never does any good. We will lose ourselves in the process, just like how most of our dearest mothers did.
Women are equally human as men. They are not more superficial, more sacrificial or more forgiving beings. Purity culture puts women on a pedestal, which robs them of their truest forms. They cannot be reduced to a “madonna” or a “whore” identity. They are more than these cheap descriptive narratives we impose.
If being X for a man is easily acceptable, but being the same kind of X for a woman is not allowed, then we are infecting our opinions with misogyny. Where “X” is anger, ambition, stubbornness, coldness, ruthlessness and so forth.
As a mother, a woman should never feel guilty about being immersed in her work that she loves, or the sense of confidence and truthfulness that her work brings to her. She has every right to become a full person. She is a mother, but her identity cannot be reduced to just that. A child being raised by a full human does more good than a mother losing herself for her children.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie strips away the noise and offers pure, grounded wisdom in these letters to a new mother. Dear Ijeawele is a quick one-hour read packed with profound, common-sense truths. If you haven’t picked it up yet, I highly recommend giving it an hour of your time.
