Selma
(Microfiction — creative take on Selma and Holden from Catcher in the Rye)
I see you. But you don’t see me. Not really. To you, I’m just the headmaster’s daughter. Nice but awkward. Ungainly even.
I remember when you sat next to me on the bus from Agerstown. You smelled like Italian lemon soap mixed with illicit Marlboros and your linen shirt rubbed against my arm like a rich unfolding. You were kind. But then it’s easy to be kind to ugly people. I wished I could drive you mad with a giggle instead of winning your respect by not simpering all over you.
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Like Dad says, life is a game and you win by the rules. But the rules are not for hot-shot people like you... or your brother, the oh-so-successful Hollywood writer dropping by in his foreign speedster on weekends to show us plebs how it’s done. But a runt like me with pebble boobs has to know the rulebook to survive the social bloodbath that is school. Be nice. Stay out of the way. Speak when spoken to. Smile when uncertain.
I added a few rules for my own sake. No phony BS. One has to hold on to a shred of self-respect to make it out sane. Participate in everything every chance you get. Make allies wherever you can. Take your nervousness out of your face and into your nails until it bleeds the bad humour out of you like a leech. Then hide them in your pockets.
Only that time on the bus your wallet fell on the floor and I rushed to pick it up for you. You smiled but I shrivelled up when I realised my bleeding stubs were on display. Like a beggar girl snatching up the Prince’s kerchief from the dirt with her leprous fingers for naught while everyone pitied her instead of praising the quick clever princess in disguise.
But then you started talking and the moment passed. Not that it was anything intimate. Rich people are discreet, aren’t they? So you talked about school and fencing and football and then you got off with a wave. A friendly one.
Good ol’ Selma. Everyone’s friend. No one’s girl. That’s me. But I wish I was yours. I wish I knew how to sell my soul to get you. Keep you, locked up in me, forever.
