Obliviate
Tell me, is it possible to forgive a person?
I have made the biggest mistake in my life. I cheated on my partner. Can I be forgiven? I know that most people would answer ‘no’. I understand that forgiving a cheating partner is hard. It’s a nightmare that you can never wake up from. From time to time, you will feel it in your bones… Will they do it again? Are they doing it right now? There are more questions to follow, but those two are recurring questions in the head of a heart that has been broken. You wake up, you wanted to be okay but the image of the infidelity stays in your head. You can’t erase it. Heck, even asleep, you dream of it.
Can you forgive the person who cheated on you?
Of course. The real question is: can you forget what the cheating person did to you? Now, that’s the hardest question. You might say, “sometimes, I don’t think about it,” but tha’s not the answer. You still remember it. It makes you weak, it makes you vulnerable. It loses you. It’s a battle you can’t win… at the moment. You see one post online about it and your mind accepts that defeat once again, you’re back on being shattered. I guess, it never even really left. It stays stuck on that moment, even if months or years has gone by.
Do you want them back?
That question is something. Especially now in the modern days. Everything is divided. Ask it online, and people would say ‘no’. However, you see them going back to that person. You’re seeing those people accepting them again without facing the wrath of what you felt. Is that fair? Do you want them back after seeing yourself shake in the mirror? After crying for several hours, kneeling down to pray… to pray that you forget what they did. Do you still want them back?
What about me?
It’s been months… I reflected on everything. Disregarding my own because I want to understand. I want to come back. I want to be forgiven. However, that’s nearly impossible. Nearly.
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Everyone has a story to tell. Not everyone have the same script. Everyone has their own pragmatics and semantics.
I have a question:
Can you hear me?
All I wanted was to be heard…
Funny, I can’t even continue this… I don’t deserve to explain myself. And that’s the fucked up part when you’re trying to redeem yourself. especially, to a person who wanted you to suffer so fucking much, that my choice is to only end the breathing life out of me.
