False God
I am not one to be such a great believer of God or any god. The divine creator who stands for the greater good, yet contradicts itself in many ways than one. Nor am I fond of religion and its ridiculous set of rules that limit the human experience — solely made to have humankind fall into the palms of power-hungry men, have control over their ever so free nature.
I have not imagined myself as someone who prays, who worships. And yet here I find myself, kneeling before divinity Herself. I seem to have lost control over my sanity, and it was only Her who was keeping it intact. I am lost and She’s the light — the guide that would bring me to the right way. She would whisper to me knowledge, communicate it with the touch of Her lips and Her ever knowing tongue on mine. It is beyond what I could comprehend, but it did not overwhelm me, it lowered itself for me to understand.
In Her soft hands my face lay bare. With Her hold She would steer me through paths I am unfamiliar, bring me to places She desires for me to see. With Her guidance I learn, and with my learnings come curiosity for more. I ventured and She encouraged me, She sang as though pleased, strings of words that tell me I have been good.
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She brings me to the mountains, and on its peak I pray, let my tongue dance to a language that is new to me. She nudges and I travel to the other, trailing my lips through Her valley, leaving my marks for when I am lost, I would know what to follow. And on the other mountain I do the same, with my hand reaching toward the other, feel for the thump of Her loving heart.
She brings me down to her altar, left her doors open for me to step into. But I do not. Not yet. I am still unworthy, I still have yet to prove of my worth to enter the sanctuary of Her divinity. So I wander, I go down to Her feet and I repent, I whisper to Her of my sins and with every kiss of Her cleanses my being.
I reach to Her knees and go to Her other. I do the same until I am sure, until I am worthy to be within the vicinity of Her warm and welcoming altar. I lay still by the entrance, She waits with patience. I kneel, touch with my lips, pray — worship Her being with my tongue knowing of fluency. I glimpse of heaven, I hear Her sing. She holds me. She shivers as the heavens opened and rained its blessings, pleased of my prayers and my doings.
And in that moment, I see to understand why one finds it hard to break free of religion, its God, and its beliefs. It would please you, ease you. It would bring comfort and euphoria like no other — that would hook you, keep you coming back.
