Balance
March 2nd, 2025
If you don't move between good and bad, if you don't oscillate between positive and negative, then you can easily keep your balance. Or rather, there is nothing else in your life but balance. Or rather, not even balance. All you have is one point where you stand and don't move an inch to either side. As soon as you step away from the median, you immediately have to take two steps in the opposite direction to balance things. So why even bother at all? Standing still must be preferable.
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I do it myself. Most of the time, that is. Occasionally, I take a step toward one side. In recent years, I usually step toward the good side. And the rewards are such that I keep going. And then I quickly lose my balance. When it happens I have to look to my bad side, to go there for a while to find the correct median. I don't like my bad side. I don't like going there, revisiting my negative personality traits. But I cannot be good all the time. I have to balance it with something bad — with some bad thoughts, some harsh language, some self-flagellation. I also have an innate need to be good, to be well-thought-of, to be useful, to be admired. Even a small step from the stoic center leads to imbalance and then to my immediate scramble to get back right there where nothing happens. Where I am just existing without any highs or lows. My balance is precarious just as much as I am precious. I am OK with that. Most of the time, that is.
