Verbalization
December 18th, 2024
And I guess verbosity as well… It all sounds so well put together in my head. And here, where I can write, then think, then delete or keep on writing, then think again — and in the end, I get coherent thoughts out in the public.
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I have improved my verbosity over the last few years. There was a time when all the thoughts stayed in my head, without any outlet, or a sounding board. In the end, that was too much for my brain to take and when I wanted to speak, indistinct mumble would come out. I couldn't in any way express what I wanted, or even keep a conversation going. Nowadays I am doing better, I have no problem engaging in a complex exchange of ideas or just mundane and polite talk.
The problem comes when I am being challenged on what I say. The problem comes when I have to go into details of what I already expressed, and assumed to be accepted by my interlocutor. The problem comes when I am asked to clarify my stand or give a concrete example. Then words fail me. I still keep on talking, but it seems like I only repeat what I already said. It is difficult for me to think and react to the conversation at hand. I get nervous, but keep on talking without answering or moving the conversation forward. And as soon as we are done talking, when I have a minute to catch my breath then the perfect responses and examples, and free-flowing yarn just explode from my mind — condemned to remain in my mind only. I lose my ability to verbalize when I am face-to-face with another person and when I am caught unaware by unexpected questions. I see no choice but to keep on working on that. I want to get better but that would mean actively seeking conversational partners, and that brings on another problem…
