Uncontrollable
Infatuation while ovulating. Sometimes I hate being a woman; I feel so out of control.
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Its so conventional. Just yearning. There is no thought behind it just desire. My soul pours itself out and all anyone could say would follow idiocy. How could they ever think rationally about someone that loves unconditionally, it seems unhuman. Obsessively staring? no… It can’t be. I just like the way he stands and stares and leans on the wall. How could I not?
Jesus what has happened to me. Focus on yourself stop it with long winded fantasies, it’s just a dream.
Jesus, is he purposefully flexing? or is that his resting position? He’s talking to me, what do I say. I can only smile and giggle. Jeez what is wrong with me, I have to walk away. Oh here she comes.
— Go work on the floor, they need help out there
— Yeah of course, you’re well staffed back here anyways
I can’t even look at him, but this is the last time I’ll see him.
I’ll just walk away. There is nothing I can do now. Oh no, here comes my friend, right now she doesn’t feel like one. I think I’m gonna throw up; my cheeks are burning.
— did you talk to him? Should I ask for you?
— Rebecca! of course not…please don’t
I beg over and over till she gives me a disappointed look, but the last thing I want is for him to know.
But it’s more than that — I’m infatuated. They say men love with their eyes and women with their ears. I guess it’s both for me…maybe there is something there. Will it always be so one sided?
