Member-only story
Christmas Cheer
Has the light gone out of Christmas?
I indicate my intention to park when a lull in the traffic congestion finally appears. A white Tesla backs up behind me, only to show refreshing patience as I manoeuvre in. I turn to look ahead just as a speeding white van nearly takes off my wing. Me first, he yells silently through the glass, his face contorted with rage.
Unperturbed, given this is a regular occurrence during the festive season, I amble towards the urine-stinking underpass, where I dodge a fresh pile of vomit from the night before. Why is it always carrots? Who are these people who eat carrots every day? The culprit appears to have he forgotten his glasses, too. I wonder briefly if he’ll come back for them, but I try not to hold onto the thought of such a gruesome spectacle for too long (ha, see what I did there!)
I reach the nearest supermarket, which churns out a tinny Christmas tune over the Tannoy, reminiscent of the magic of yuletides of yore. Sadly, it’s not working. It’s hardly any wonder there are no modern Christmas songs now.
A balding assistant manager, red-faced and ill-tempered, slams his jam trolley into a nearby colleague lift. A customer has just challenged him vociferously over a much-wanted Christmas gift set, which is now out of stock. Why don’t you have it? Christmas isn’t finished yet, she…
