Finding the path
It is the first post I have created. Ever. I am not even sure why I publish this. I just want to let my feelings out, to reach others with similar state of mind.
I am rather nostalgic nowadays. Which is ridiculous as I am in my mid-thirties, not in my grandpa phase. And yet, here I am, looking back to the good old days… from a year ago.
Still a lot of issues around the world (global warming, wars, rising living costs), but at least I had a profession and a decent job to live comfortably.
I am a software engineer, celebrating the tenth year since I started the full-stack journey.
And oh boy, what years I have behind my back.
Computer science and software engineering was fun, exciting, with the promise of changing the world. That you have the knowledge and power to create something amazing. Unique. Valuable. To help people. To make they life easier by solving complex problems with creative ideas and efficient solutions.
Technology was a creative experience to have contact with.
Then AI become good enough. Good? No. Not yet. But it can work rapidly and produce presentable output. Move fast, break things mentality is still strong in the industry. They can get way with it. The users are patient, ever giving spending machines, they rarely revolt, and super reluctant to change. Even if they wanted to change, companies made it hard or impossible to migrate away. (Which is just a bluff, but it is working out for them now).
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I was proud to be a computer science engineer. I wanted to work for one of the FAANG, to have a part in the “mission”, to help, make change, produce value. I had this glory around Silicon Valley in my head.
All of this is crushed in the last one to two years. I realised, that my work is not about people, helping, creating value anymore.
It is just about money. Money, the industry already has plenty of. Tech companies are richer than medium sized European countries.
And yet, the goal is still to get more. To take more. And more can not be collected with “good guy” methods anymore. With don’t be evil culture. With values. With respect to people and environment.
And I am sick of it. I lost my pride. I lost my drive to work for… basically anybody except my family.
Now I am sitting in front of my machine, looking for a way. Maybe things are not unrecoverable. Maybe, habbit can be broken, people will stop tolerate slop and greed. Maybe, I can help somehow still?
I made my first steps: I am not searching the web with an engine which generates results based on pirated content and AI hallucinations, and ranks results by collected ransom. I cancelled all subscriptions I can be without. I do not pay for a password manager which leaking password. I do not pay for or use an operating system which is spying on me. I am not “renting” games which are unplayable soulles micro transaction money-grabs and can only be played with active internet connection and a super heavy DRM which consumes half the resources I paid for.
So, let’s see, if I can steer myself back to the world, where I own the things I buy, only buy things I need, and only buy from where basic human rights and environmental values I care for (and to be honest, should be mandatory) are respected, acted on, cherished.
Let’s see, if I am able to re-define my life, tofind a job, position or new field, I can create, help, care for again.
In case you are ahead of me in this path, feel free to encourage me. I am more than happy to hear your stories and choices. How did it went?
