The Courage to be a Beginner…
One of the hardest things I am learning right now is how to be a beginner again.
I didn’t realize how much of my identity was attached to being good at what I did. At my old job, I knew what I was doing because I had experience. I had been there long enough to understand the systems, the people, the expectations and I knew exactly what was needed to be done.
Then I started somewhere new and there’s something strangely humbling about being a beginner.
For a long time, I celebrated beginnings in theory. I romanticized the first day of a new job, the first page of a new chapter, the first attempt at something I’ve longed for. I loved the idea of becoming someone new, of discovering new areas of work, of starting a chapter not knowing where it would eventually lead to. But we don’t talk about the awkwardness of not knowing what the hell we’re doing at times. The frustration of trying something multiple times and still not getting it. The quiet embarrassment of asking questions you think you should already know the answer to and the internal turmoil of wondering if I made the right decision.
I love the idea of growth, but I was not prepared for the discomfort that came with it.
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However, I’ve been learning that becoming someone new requires me to make peace with the person I am right now and that nothing is embarrassing in the pursuit of self-development. And honestly, this also translates into my love for culinary art.
Since covid era, I’ve always loved the idea of cooking. Not simply preparing a meal to satisfy hunger but creating something beautiful from a collection of ordinary ingredients. Understanding how flavors work together. Learning why one technique produces a different result from another. Taking something as simple as a plate of food and turning it into an experience.
There is something deeply intimate about cooking. I have to pay attention. I have to be patient. I have to learn when to follow a recipe and when to trust my instincts. Sometimes, I have to accept that the dish I imagined in my head is not the dish sitting in front of me. And then I have to decide what to do next. I can be disappointed, or I can learn.
When it comes to my Job or my hobby, I have to keep reminding myself that being new at something does not mean I am not qualified to learn it. It means I am at the beginning of understanding it and that I can’t just skip the uncomfortable part between being inexperienced and becoming proficient.
How can I become excellent at something I am unwilling to be inexperienced at?
So, here is to giving myself permission to be a beginner with full gratitude for the opportunity to learn something I did not know before. I do not have to be good at everything I am brave enough to begin. I only have to be willing to begin, and willing to keep going.
Until we meet again,
~ Gabrielle 💋
