Crusty
“Crusty” is a term that has been used in my life’s past to describe when I feel a little off — not really depressed or debilitated, just a little grumpy and unclear. It becomes most evident
In my “foul-sprited” expressions towards others especially my family. Sometimes there’s a need to air things out with someone, to move off of center and make a decision so to speak, to take courage and stop sitting on the fence. The problem is, I’m not even sure half of the time which fence I’m sitting on. If only it were so easy to become aware of it.
During the innumerable times that i have been in this crusty demeanor, my family can tell as much from the silent musings of the worn down expressions on my face, a face composed of lines that speak to a perplexed, befuddled mind, one convinced that it has been misaligned and disadvantaged by mistreatment. None of it which is like to ring true.
It’s a mind that has perhaps been beat up by the world or is suffering from some budgeting constraints or some cowardice because of exhaustion. It is a mind absorbed with the self-knowledge (or at least a vague belief) that if I hadbeen more disciplined, more energetic, and more ambitious I could have avoided this seeming need for reflection.
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Sometimes I find myself wondering if there is any truth to these musings. Much of the time, a person must simply press onward to traverse a desert and ensure survival. But in order to transform “surviving” into “thriving,” we must get into a habit of waiting on the Almighty and yearning after His ways. Why? Because our journey in time requires patience for the frequent development of life altering changes.
In that sense, “crustiness” likely develops when we are going through a rough patch absent any feel good experiences or easy wins. Bills coming due are more financially cumbersome than you had projected. Recovery from surgery takes weeks longer than promised..The remodeling job takes years longer than you had anticipated. The loved one who was to make a full recovery alas is not coming home. And amidst all that you needst find perseverance through whatever means won’t leave you compromised.
The beauty in all of this can be the grind to attain that persevering quality. Leaving behind all notions of giving up when a mental fog descends on you and remaining content with your current state of being can be liberating.
To put this into practice is a key component of the learning process; and it may just help you savor the journey as well. If you adopt this approach, you will likely be less anxious, take yourself less seriously, and seize upon a more pleasant demeanor than the previous crusty version of yourself would have ever considered..
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