Time flies!
Years pass. Faces fade, conversations disappear, and photographs become records of people we barely recognise. Yet some days refuse to become memories. These days see no luxury of new memories getting photographed, or new enticing conversations.
These days are lived in the darkness. Doubt, confusion, indecisiveness, anger, weakness, every emotion which we once ram away from or didn’t experience, all numb the brain.
This is called the rock bottom.
For years, these mishap and disappointing days continue - they carry with them the burdening, exhausting, and deathly feeling that follows one every waking hour.
Even the most exciting days feel stripped down of joy. Even the most relaxing of times feel tense. Even your favourite food tastes bland.
You lie in your bed, in your own sweat, wondering,
"Is it truly worth it?"
"Is it really going to make a difference?"
"Does it really matter?"
Your mornings begin with a heavy heart and mind. While your body aches between getting up and sleeping in. While others are starting their day with enthusiasm, your world seems to have lost the playfulness you once carried.
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A phase of loneliness sets in, where it feels like no one understands the emotional changes that are happening. Not even you. Sadness, anger, disappointment, worry, fear, regret, guilt, overwhelm all flood the body. The body weakens with the mind. Gradually, darkness seaps in.
The darkness, the next phase after emotional overwhelm, is where all light gets lost. You see no future, no worth, no hope, no meaning. Nor life or death make sense. You live with a face, mind and body devoid of human emotions. Some say you feel everything all at once.
You sit there as seasons pass away, with no clear resolution of what you want. Parents come with hope, friends with laughter, and siblings with advice, yet the darkness steals the joy from even the most exciting people.
That’s when it happens. Darkness shows all the crippled and imperfect parts, laughs at you and mocks you. Darkness knows. You know.
You avoid the imperfect parts in the light - the shame, guilt, remorse, anger, anxiety. You continue the efforts to look perfect, and lose your own identity in the process.
The darkness brings them in light.
Soon, tears roll down, all the memories come flooding in; all the wrongdoings; all the shunned habits. There’s nothing once I can do but to accept it. Resolution begins to set in.
The darkness opens its cold, brutal grips to you. A sense of stillness sets in. Nothing matters more than embracing the darkness within. To make a new home and spend life in solitude.
This is where darkness and light meet to form a tranquil amalgamation. Your emotions unfold without your trying to make sense of it; your resolution gets stronger; your vision and priorities clearer.
In the end, the rock bottom, brings the truest nature of life and humans which never remain the same.
