I Didn’t Want to Be the Waiting Room
I think what hurts the most is knowing that I met you at a time when you weren’t ready to be with anyone, while I was finally ready to let someone in.
You told me you needed time for yourself, that there were things you wanted to figure out before letting someone become part of your life. And I understood. I really did. I never expected you to have everything figured out, I never wanted you to give up on your dreams just to make room for me.
But sometimes, I wish you understood that you were the one who made me want something more in the first place.
You made me look forward to ordinary conversations. You made me find reasons to reach out, and wonder what it would be like if we gave this a chance. And then I had to remind myself that you weren’t looking for the same thing.
I think I’ve spent too much time trying to understand your timing, when I should’ve also been paying attention to how all this was making me feel.
And if I’m being honest, sometimes I think about the girl who might come after me. The one who gets to meet you when you’ve finally figured things out. When you’re ready to love someone without hesitation, when she doesn’t have to guess what you feel or wait for you to become ready.
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I wonder how lucky she’ll feel.
She might get the version of you I’ve been hoping to meet. And I think that’s what makes me sad. Not that she gets to have you, but that I had to experience the uncertainty while someone else might get the certainty.
I don’t blame you for not being ready. But I hope you understand that I didn’t want to be someone’s waiting room. I didn’t want to be the person who learned how to be patient with your uncertainty while quietly putting her own feelings aside.
I just wanted to be someone you were willing to figure things out with.
And maybe that’s something I need to accept: I can understand why someone isn’t ready and still decide that waiting isn’t right for me.
I hope you become the person you want to be. Truly.
I just hope that, by then, I won’t still be wishing I had met that version of you.
