I’ll Be Here Forever…
While we were right in the middle of retrograde season, I found myself looking back at that time, the Cancer retrograde period of July and August. No One Last Forever was the mascot of that period for me. While scrolling through TikTok again, I came across a video of Charli crying while performing this song at a concert. And just as I was planning to watch Videodrome today… This song has a very unusual energy. Almost like a song of mourning. As if the song is telling you to bury your dead and hold their funerals. I’m here. In this capitalist system, in this universe where everything is consumed and everything is temporary, it makes you stop and tells you that you can lay your dead to rest. Whatever made you sad, whatever hurt you, let’s remember it together, let’s cry and lay it to rest. Let’s say goodbye together. I will be by your side through every moment; you will move forward and regain your strength.
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I can’t find the words to describe this year of mine. If I tried to explain it, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. They hurt me so much, took what was rightfully mine, and even violated my rights. Let them do whatever they want. I don’t even care what they’re doing or where they are. Let them disappear into their boring lives. Thank God, it feels like everything is finally falling into place in my life. The truth is coming to light. I am finally getting what I am owed. The causes and consequences of everything are becoming clear. The clouds in front of me are clearing. I am starting to draw my own path. I have also found the Leyla of my heart. Perhaps, after all these years, I finally found the courage to listen to her. God willing, I will continue to follow her until my last breath.
The things I thought were impossible happened, and the arms and support that had been withdrawn from me found their way back to me. I know that, God willing, they will continue to do so. Flowers bloomed in the very places people had looked down on, and new possibilities emerged. The people who left me on read moved forward and made progress. It feels as if my life has miraculously changed in just a month and a half. From now on, God willing, things will continue this way. I am certain. I have no doubts. Does the past still hurt me? Absolutely. Tonight, I will cry as much as I need to and allow myself to feel the pain. I will say goodbye to all of you one last time, and then I will forget, because forgetting is a form of freedom. You will all die, you will know it, and I will witness all of it, but I will keep living. My source of strength is what I have done, what I will do, what I will create, what I will say, and the impact I will make…
Perhaps David Cronenberg is wrong about this. Perhaps souls like ours never die. They return in different forms and mediums. Maybe the world keeps turning because of these souls. Maybe we do not die; maybe our heads are never crushed. I believe in this. Perhaps it is not being forgotten, but forgetting the reptiles around us, that is freedom and eternity for us. I am here, and I always will be. Forever…
