Is the glass
half full, empty
or
Is there water?
We are plummeting through dark space; without a guide. What does it matter when we inevitably do not?
Meaning — how we surpass hopelessness and make our dreams reachable, and worth reaching. Trudge through the sludge of our internally dark rooms while safeguarding our fire against the airflow of life.
How did you learn to drive?
I was in a 2002 nine-seater Toyota Yukon — nerves were racked beyond measure. My mom grasped the oh-sh*t bar at each turn, smashing her foot on the imaginary break. We are talking about a clumsy fifteen-year-old in control of a metal rhinoceros. I clearly remember my stomach cramping over the feeling of projected failure. Lack of confidence growing like a tumor in my throat. I did end up swallowing the insecurity and learned to parallel-park that metal monster. Thank you, Mom, for believing in me when I did not.
My point, I was thinking — am thinking about the past. Contemplating opens the floodgates of you. Without a choice, I find myself thinking over conversations in the shower, swooped away by a photo of bluebonnets — my state flower, a whiff that jumps me back to my pediatrician after breaking my wrist.
A nuanced interaction, as subtle as a scent, can send your mind to all kinds of places. Sometimes a traumatic experience; other times to a golden sunset over the coast with your best pal. If you think about it, we are time travelers in our very minds… all while doing the dishes or walking down the street.
We cannot help being so lost in thought. Pushing through barriers of ego, biology, genetics, history, and our society's opinion. So much stimulation; externally and inwardly. Difficult to understand what self is, if self exists.
What I do understand is that these observations, reactions, and perspectives are the focal point of you.
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These emotions drive our meaning makeup. They begin our cycle of reactions. Emotions are out of our control, but what we decide to do with them — the choices we make regarding our emotions and feelings, leads us down a cycle. And my god, do we not get addicted to cycles? What we do in these scenarios is a subsection of memories to look back over.
Our relationship with emotions directs a lot in our lives. They are a tsunami wave crashing over us. Like anger… Anger is explosive and burns anyone near it. What follows anger is a spiral of regret, shame, and sadness. How we look back on our failures is a part of the friendship we have with ourselves, others and meaning.
We can become absorbed by a black hole of hopelessness after this. There is no meaning. In fact, it is easier this way.
Similar to falling in love and putting your heart on the line; jumping off that cliff. If you decide not to risk it… you will undoubtedly be safe. Although never to experience the flight of love to fullness. You get what you put in — just one of those things.
Hopelessness is easy. But, being lifted by love is a breathtaking thing to feel in life. Hope is love. Love is apart of meaning.
All of this making up a unique interpretation of the world that is yours. Perspective is funny, but I believe it is the foundation of, our experience. The atoms that awaken our consciousness into awareness.
Consider the size difference between you and the World Trade Center. Now a black hole with a mass of seventeen billion suns. Let’s go back.
You. Skyscraper. 17 billion suns.
The way atoms are to us, you are to the universe. Marveling. Perspective is a wonderful thing for our ever-changing outlook on life. Allowing the flow of perception and perspective builds mindfulness. Deriving from mindfulness brings awareness, a gift to soak in the middle moments. The day-to-day.
This is the derivate of meaning, in my life. Acquainting your presence in the moment and bowing to the magic that surrounds you. This underlying presence that is thankful to be apart; to be here. The curiosity of what is makes each moment that much more. Wholesome.
We need food to survive, but we cannot live with only food. We require water, sunlight, wind, love… each other. Our spirits need to be fed too, and without proper nutrition of spirit — I am certain there will be no meaning.
Lost and confused. Empty roads, rushing, blank eyes. We are all on our own road, alone. But this aloneness is what sparks our togetherness. We allow this divide between culture, ethnicities, beliefs — even flavors of Kool-Aid. Our lonely path is the connection.
To aim, shoot, and miss. To try again. Your light is worth protecting and trying again for. Meaning comes from living.
The glass has water.
