Cutting The Invisible Strings Of *
What controls us? Cosmic Law, Society, Family, Situations or Self? How about all of the above? Exiting the matrix jail is beautifully confusing, disheartening, and rewarding at the same time. But are you ready to open your eyes, whip out a giant pair of scissors, and become you? I wasn’t.
It all started with an invitation that read “Come to our Memorial Day Potluck!!” Yay…ah NO! I noticed lately that I’m not having much fun at gatherings. It is the same old, same old. Every year, same time, same place, same station. Why are traditions important? I am traditional for the most part, but instead of feeling elated, I felt stressed about it as soon as the invite arrived. Stressed about what to bring, what to wear, will the family argue as always, will my best friend bring that guy no one likes…ugh!
Sometimes I wonder if Hallmark made up holidays to sell more tchotchke or cards. No offense Hallmark, capitalism is important too and we should celebrate those pivotal moments in life. But I suddenly realized that along with attending the same events every year like clockwork, it was the same with everything in my life, same patterns, same story, same — same with a lemon twist. Instead of celebrating family and fun; it reinforced my commitment to the program of must do, and must-have.
Did we sign up to be puppets on a string? Not sure anyone did, but here we are. I like being in control most of the time, but am I? Are we? No, we are being controlled by all things external to self, the need to survive and thrive; the need to please and to be loved. The necessity to fit into society as others see acceptable; religious beliefs, laws, emotions, and the need to be wanted. Why do we let this happen, when we can have and be so much more?
To a certain extent, right now I feel slightly selfish; a recluse in hermit mode of my impenetrable bubble; loving the quiet space where I don’t have to share with anyone. Here’s why:
One day, I asked the universe, why does this keep happening, why am I unhappy with some things in my life — again? I moved, changed jobs, married, have children, life seemed good and yet the same issues were surfacing.
Well, guess what I heard as a response. The common denominator is you. Be careful what you ask of the universe, because you will get it. I was not prepared for the answer. I started seeing things for what they were and not what I wanted them to be. I made choices based on ideals created by others or what I thought I wanted. I began to see my role in their co-creation and it was hard seeing things other people don’t; not in a schizophrenic sense but to see the meaning behind actions and the reasons behind our way of thinking, life, or behavior.
Somehow, that trapped feeling is peeking through as I write this, and thinking the conversation is becoming morbid. It had to be said. We are constantly doing the same things over and over. How can we move forward and make some strides to stop doing what is expected of us? Is there a MA (Matrix’s Anonymous) meeting I can attend?
There are lots of people talking about this, but there is no race to get to the point of freedom from doing. I suppose it’s not a race to be right or wrong. I think many people are choosing to break free wanting fewer restrictions from becoming digital nomads to designing a life off the grid in a bunker instead of the white picket fence. I think about all the stories that we are told as children all the fantasies and fairytales that create a belief and dream in our minds that life is beautiful or even if it isn’t it first, it will be one day.
I wonder about the tools that were given to create those wonderful lives for the most part, we create a need, to fill a need, to sell the solution to the masses. A few days ago, my son and I discussed career options. He thanked me for my help and suggestions and for not being overly pushy or controlling. I was surprised. He said, “Mom, parenting must be the hardest job in the world since there is no manual”. I used to tell him all the time that there was no manual to what we do as parents, it is all what we have learned through the years or experiences. He was finally getting it. So was I.
Is it possible to skip some of those parts and go straight to living life fully? Surely I think so, but without those experiences, we wouldn’t know the difference. I felt committed to the cause of a great life and strove long and hard to make it beautiful. We all do every day. Don’t let your heart be troubled, you are not alone and should not feel shame because you did not know you were creating a false narrative.
“Truth attracts your tribe” — Josh Berglund, dubbed Mayor of the World, said during a recent webinar. When you have these revelations, you begin to understand why the same people come into your life many times over; attracting similar situations until you learn to step away. You have to be ready.
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What are we holding on to? What ideas or ideals? Last week, I went through some boxes and one of my kids’ baby pictures. The first thing that caught my eye after my infant’s kissable cheeks was his fists tightly held. It made me think about what we are holding on to. I know there are reasons that babies exhibit this muscle control behavior but there is no reason for adults, other than the need to hold on to things or ideas. We hold on tight to stuff, things, and thoughts that no longer serve us (GUILTY!) - conditioned. But once we decide to open our hands to receive, the most amazing thing happens, we begin to live and be free.
Who are you at the deepest level of your person? Do you know? I did not know who I was for a long time, and no amount of classes and books could tell me. Then one day everything that I read, and everything that I had learned clicked in my head and it was a major shift in my whole being. Things started to fall into place. The right people started coming into my life and shifts began to bear fruit that had not before. What changed? Easy answer: I changed and chose to be a leader of myself. I saw what needed to be seen clearly and created the reality I wanted to live in. It is hard; an ongoing process. I moved my mindset from can’t/won’t to let's go for it regardless. I became fearless like a fool at the edge of a cliff. I made mistakes, but essentially, I tried and learned from the failures. I lost my need for perfectionism and owned my idiosyncrasies.
I always had high expectations of myself and the people around me. At my job where we deal with people and their problems, I was told to keep my expectations low. Our lesson today: Keep your expectations where they are supposed to be — in check! ((You can quote me on that!))
I like mocking the characters of the Get Smart television series: “Hello, Control, this is Agent 99…Kaos has done it again — send back-up immediately!” By the way, Kaos are the bad guys, right...or are they? The Japanese characters for chaos are also the characters for opportunity. (I may have mentioned this before).
Every day, I believe that I control my life but sometimes when we use that famous term, ‘Jesus take the wheel’, we’re hoping that it is being controlled by some external force or a cosmic goodness that makes everything better.
I had a dream last week of being a beacon of light flying down to earth from the cosmos landing near the beach, and watching what I thought were, several people on the beach practicing for a concert. They wore peach-colored choir robes, with ruching on the sleeves and strings dangling from the arms. It was a beautiful scene. They were gnarled like tangled roots into different contorted positions of angst and beauty evoking a feeling of intensity, their mouths moving at a pitch beyond my hearing so that the sounds coming from their voices were reaching heights that I could not grasp in the dreamscape. I floated above them at the edge where the water and the sand met wondering if I should disturb the cosmic pantomime, but I stood there instead. I strained again but heard no sound from them. Yes, they were singing beyond my ears.
As I write this, my daughter walks by singing Sia’s Soon We Will Be Found. I suddenly realized that the song and accompanying video (strings included, was exactly how I must have felt watching those ladies on the beach singing, signing; juxtaposing in upliftment. I know when we dream of the water’s edge, it is usually a reference to the connection of the subconscious and the mind meeting the emotional side blending — integration.
Can you break the habits of your dualistic nature? Your reality, not the made-up one? As I mulled over these queries, I went about my day.
I subscribed to Ramit Sethi’s newsletter and you may know of him as the Rich Life Guru. While I subscribe to many newsletters and do not always get to read them thoroughly, the title of his latest post caught my eye. ‘Can you reasonably expect your dream job?’ It was unexpected because we are taught to dream big and go for what we want. We don’t — life happens. I expected I would eventually get there by chipping away at it slowly. Unfortunately, life got in the way and it took a long while to get back on the path, truthfully, I am still on the journey back to what I know it is.
The scientific behavior Sethi quoted as his reason for this question was ‘past behavior predicts future behavior’ — I thought, yikes patterns are plaguing progress! Hmmmm, nothing we don’t know but probably unconsciously still doing subtlely. That was me thinking hard about breaking that little habit. If we know we are doing something to prevent the change, we are halfway through the battle and could start tweaking our mindset and actions in a better direction. The universe always confirms.
New assignment plus food for thought: is there one tiny thing you can do differently today that will benefit you in the long run and not run you in a circle? For example, clearing out unopened storage boxes cluttering a basement corner for no reason? (Open your fists) Perhaps planting a sapling that will later provide shade for someone in your yard? (Realistic expectations.) How about reacting positively to a negative situation by maintaining a boundary and not overreacting? (Small step, big effect.) One tiny change a day is needed to brighten the journey. Straight facts: you are behind the wheel.
Today I accepted a few invites now that the rearview mirror has been removed from the windshield: believe that you are capable of things beyond your immediate situation and utilize it to better yourself not for anyone but for your growth and well-being; one tiny step at a time.
I believe in you and I believe in me, so cheers to the trails of strings behind us.
