Effort

Effort is “a physical or mental activity needed to achieve something”, according to Cambridge Dictionary.

While physical effort is easier on the eyes — in the sense that we can actually observe people’s attempt on loosing weight or maybe train for a marathon — mental effort is really hard for people to see.

Maybe this explains a little why many of us feel that no one (of few) recognize our attempt to do something.

Consider you’re in the end of your semester in college and you’re taking 5 disciplinas. You’re expected to deliver 5 papers and/or do 5 exams around the same period of time. Only you and your classmates know how hard you’re working to get there — being there your vacations or a nice grade, you tell me. Maybe a parent sees you in front of the computer focused and thinks “oh, s/he’s working hard”; or maybe they believe you’re only surfing through twitter/facebook/youtube or something like that. Studying from home leaves it “open for the imagination” of the ones close to you whether you’re really working your ass off or just chilling in the web.

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This is being really tough on me for two reasons:

1. I still live with my mom and I work and study AND chill using my computer. Which mean that I could easily be playing games or teaching English (because this is what I do to earn a little money per month to put me through my second graduation — as if one wasn’t enough). Then, it’s pretty easy to get messy when I’m actually doing something important — like writing a paper — believing that I’m just avoiding that sink full of dishes that she hates. The end of the semester is pretty hard and my effort to keep up with things to get done at home, relax and do what I have to do for college — disregarding all my other side projects, which are not few — are not appreciated. That hurts.
2. I’m planning on moving on to my boyfriend’s house next year, and while I have to deal with all this above at home, I’m also saving money and buying things for the house. I’m focusing all my savings and my energy going there and doing stuff. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve done something for me. I haven’t been able to cut my hair because of the pandemic, I haven’t shopped for my hair products or new clothes yet, I have a PS4 game in mind for months now and I simply don’t spend money thinking about the future. This particular future, at least. At the same time, we have monthly discussions on the fact that I don’t act like I want to move in next year. Yesterday we had a discussion because I was feeling a little ill and decided not to go over there and focus on my to do list for college. Although I planned on going there today, I’m not doind that anymore, because the fact that I didn’t go there is enough for him to be upset and decide not to see me this weekend.

I’m not asking for any prizes here. I believe I just wanted people to be as comprehensible as me sometimes. But I guess the lesson here is that nobody will recognize your effort but yourself. Sometimes it’s just a matter of taking a deep breath — in my case I’m writing this text and thinking about meditating for a while — and move on. I have a lot to do, maybe I shouldn’t even loose time writing this, but anyways…

Buy somehting nice for yourself today. Thank yourself more for all the things you did this week — even if it was less than you wanted to. You’re amazing and I understand you — right here.