Hello New Year: A Self Assessment
Hi,
A simple way to start my first entry here but it seems like the natural way to go. Speaking of natural, that is my #1 resolution for the incoming year. The past days I’ve been making mental notes of how 2020 will be me, becoming a more genuine and real version of myself . . Not that I consider myself ever being fake. Its just that, I feel every word, action, social media post I have ever made throughout my young life has been about pleasing others, or worrying about what they would say, or how they would perceive me. But don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with trying to respect other people’s opinions, and listening to them. It’s just that I feel like I’ve literally been too nice all my life to the point where I lose the value of what I actually want to say, or do – and that’s not ok.
Only now do I even realize (by how fast I just jotted down that first paragraph) that I’ve been keeping my passion for writing on the down low. And “How low?” you may ask. Let’s say my last piece of free writing, that didn’t involve school assignments was senior year of high school. THAT’S 7 YEARS AGO. All because it wasn’t really something people did for fun anymore, or considered cool because most college kids spend their time getting heavy drunk, or having first time serious relationships, going on adventures, and working on all those silly, superficial crap like instagram feeds!!
There I said it, as much as I am addicted to social media I just hate how toxic it is. Not in every aspect, but the fact that it takes almost 80% of my day (or even my life) just having to check on other peoples updates, needing to document the best parts of my day, construct any content under the immense pressure of not being liked, being talked about, or not being the sexiest or most beautiful. It just sucks.. it sucks how we are this generation who is under that kind of pressure. And we let it happen! All because WE all care about what other people think to a level that is no longer healthy.
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Therefore, I’m calling it. My resolution is to be a regal and more genuine version of myself. One who is less filtered, and stands by her own opinion despite being exposed to so many amazing ones out there.
At the end of the day, I know my heart is in the right place, so I probably wont regret shutting some of the noise (even people) out if I believe they are doing more harm than good in my life. I will probably be more offline this year especially on trips I’ve been meaning to have; document less especially when I’m supposed to enjoy those amazing moments from my own eyes and not my camera lens; stop seeking validation from others on the most personal topics of my life i.e. work, love, and my body. And I want to go back to the old me, the old soul, sort of uncool and may be considered boring or cringe worthy in this new society but still, worth bringing out; To create from my heart instead of gaining anything from others.
Hey, I don’t know anyone here so its a good place to start.
P.S. I’m gonna start writing more for myself: Reminders/lessons learned based off everyday experiences/maybe even a diary – I’ve always wanted to keep one but my hands hurt when I use a pencil. Hopefully my next entries wont be as painfully long and uncreative as this one.
