Still, A Light Shines
We make plans and life quietly rewrites them with its own lessons.
The last days of Ramadan always feel different. A city like Jakarta slowly becomes quieter. The busy streets feel more empty as people leave to go back to their hometowns. There is a strange kind of silence, but also a warm feeling, like the city is taking a deep breath before the big day arrives.
This year, I chose to stay. Spending Eid in Jakarta feels slower and calmer, without rushing for a long trip. Somehow, it feels more meaningful. Simpler, but closer to the heart.
After the second day of Eid, I plan to leave the city for a while and go to the mountains with my family and my best friend, Yosi, along with her husband and their kids, Ibrahim and Naura. It feels like completing a journey, from the quiet city to peaceful nature, a kind of healing after Ramadan.
“Falling in love is sweet, it makes you wish time would never run out…” that soundtrack kept playing in my head throughout Eid.
In mid-March, as always, I had a book with me, tucked inside my bag, ready to be read whenever I found a moment. This time, I chose Pulang by Leila S. Chudori. The reason was simple. A few years ago, I read Laut Bercerita, and it stayed with me long after I finished it. Recently, I heard it will be adapted into a film starring Reza Rahadian and Dian Sastrowardoyo. That news made me want to revisit the author’s work.
Just a few pages into Pulang, I was introduced to the story of someone, whether you call it escaping or simply running away, who eventually arrives in Paris. It felt like a quiet beginning, yet layered with meanings waiting to unfold.
Strangely, though, this time I didn’t feel fully drawn in. The curiosity that usually pulls me deeper into a book just wasn’t there. Maybe it wasn’t about the book, but about timing. After all, some books need the right moment. They wait until we are ready, until everything feels aligned, before they can truly be understood.
And maybe that’s because this year, as Eid approached, it brought an unexpected surprise I never saw coming.
Right before Eid, I fell sick, probably some kind of virus, and it completely drained me. Fever, body aches that felt unbearable, cough, flu, even mouth ulcers, yes, the painful kind, and a bit of a nosebleed just to make it more dramatic. My body really said, let’s try everything at once, like it was ticking off a checklist I never signed up for.
It felt strange, honestly. I don’t usually spend Ramadan feeling this weak, let alone celebrate Eid in bed. This time, instead of enjoying the moment, I found myself taking medication without even double-checking, including antibiotics. Ironically, I am usually the type of person who prefers to rest and stick to herbal remedies. But when your body gives up, you suddenly become very cooperative. You take whatever might help, no questions asked. At that point, even my principles took a day off. Still, I have to admit, it made me feel a little nauseous, which felt like a side quest I didn’t need.
Since I had to leave Jakarta on the second day of Eid, I ended up taking medicine from my aunt’s trusted doctor. Honestly, it felt less like a choice and more like a survival plan…
So, this Eid felt… different. I found myself spending more time lying down, even before Eid had actually arrived. The long-awaited holiday from work somehow didn’t feel like a holiday at all, it quietly turned into a period of rest and recovery. But perhaps that is where the lesson lies. A gentle reminder that health, something we often take for granted, can disappear without warning. One moment you feel perfectly fine, and the next, you realize how fragile the body can be. It humbles you, quietly but completely.
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What surprised me the most was experiencing things I rarely, almost never, deal with, like painful mouth ulcers at the very back of my mouth. It felt unfamiliar, as if my own body was introducing me to a new level of discomfort I never asked to meet. I sincerely hope that was both the first and the last time. Truly.
Thankfully, as I write this now, I am in a much better condition.
What makes it even more puzzling is that I didn’t feel particularly exhausted before all of this happened. I was simply going through my usual routine, nothing extreme. Perhaps it was the weather, perhaps something else entirely. Or perhaps, like many things in life, it came with its own quiet meaning. A subtle reminder to be more grateful for something so simple, yet so invaluable, good health.
There is a saying we hear quite often, that a sick person only wants one thing, to be healthy again. And now, I understand that on a deeper level. When you are healthy, it is easy to overlook its value. But when you are not, it becomes the only thing on your mind.
So yes, this Eid holiday turned into full bed rest mode. Not exactly the kind of holiday people imagine, but perhaps the kind I needed, whether I planned it or not.
Since everything had already been booked for the second, third, and fourth day, I still went on the trip, even in a half-functioning state. I tried to enjoy it, though in reality, I spent more time lying down, occasionally present in body but not entirely in spirit, quietly battling dizziness like it was my own private subplot. Still, the days went by smoothly, and somehow, I made it through.
Perhaps that is also why I didn’t have the energy, or even the desire, to finish Pulang by Leila S. Chudori. I ended up lending it to a friend, the kind of person who borrows a book and actually finishes it quickly, which, honestly, feels like a rare and admirable trait. After she returned Maktub by Paulo Coelho, I handed her Pulang. For now, I think I will let her tell me the story instead. A different kind of reading experience, I suppose.
At the very least, after spending time traveling with family and a close friend, I also had moments back in Jakarta where I went to the cinema. Tunggu Aku Sukses Nanti and Senin Harga Naik turned out to be surprisingly entertaining. They were genuinely good and emotionally engaging. At times, they made me laugh, and at others, they left me feeling deeply moved, even a little sad.
As I write this, not currently reading anything, just casually asking for recommendations on Instagram from fellow book lovers. Although, I have already ordered two books online.
One of them is A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, the author of The Kite Runner. From what I understand, the story is intense, possibly heartbreaking, yet beautifully written. Some parts may be difficult to take in, but perhaps that is the reality it reflects, life in Afghanistan, where conflict is not just a narrative, but a lived experience.
The other one is The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett, a book that has been on my reading list for quite some time.
For now, I am simply waiting for both books to arrive. Hopefully, they will give me that sense of wonder again, the kind of reading experience that stays with you long after the last page.
…and if you have a good book to recommend, I would love to hear it.
Lastly, I sincerely ask for forgiveness, for any wrongs, both seen and unseen. May we all be blessed with good health.
What feels like a disruption may quietly be a form of protection.
Cheers.
