A journey against Post-Finasteride Syndrome
I was quite young when I started losing my hair. I was 19 when I started noticing my hairline was receiding. Back in the days, it felt like a nightmare. I’ve always wanted to be attractive. Me, the shy and discreet boy that I was.
I went to a dermatologist in 2014, I was 20. She was working on a public clinic specialised in hair loss. I was very confident about finding a solution for my «problem». She looked at my hair, and diagnotised an androgenetic alopecia, as I already knew.
She presents me a treatment she was using to treat hair loss : Finasteride. She mentionned the pill could have some side effects, including low libido. But she was very confident when she assured me that those side effects can’t last more than two weeks, after the withdrawal from the treatment.
Unfortunately, nothing happened as she thought it would be. I started noticing side effects several months after the first pill. But people were reassuring me the side effects could not come from the treatment, so I’ve waited months to stop with Finasteride. Today, I still experience the same side effects.
My libido is very low, and I’m enable to have a sexual intercourse. More, I’m dealing with anxiety and depression. My skin is dry, I look like I was 40 and I’m only 26. My body is weak. My muscles get easily tired. My social life was totally changed, and I can’t describe how lonely I feel.
How could I go on with my life when talking to a stranger was turning me anxious? Suddenly, all my aspirations were gone… How could I be loved by someone, if my sexuality was non-existent? Then it hits me. I feel like my life is over, finally coming to an end.
Medical system did not help me in this dark journey. I had appointements with a lot of urologists and endocrinologists, but all of them were not aware of what PFS (Post-Finasteride Syndrome) was, and did not trust me when I talked about my story and symptoms. Again, how lonely I felt.
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Some doctors thought I was just a lost suicidal boy, trying to survive a war in his head. One doctor even asked me if it was really that important to be able to achieve an erection if I’m gay. I remember lefting his cabinet in tears.
I was a helpless case. Today, I am seing a psychologist to deal with my suicidal thoughts, my depression and anxiety. I try to keep on hanging on, but my life is now tasteless. It feels like I’m seeing the world behind a closed window. I see my friends, my family, my beloved ones live their lives, while I am the prisoner of my condition.
I decided to open a Medium account to promote awareness against the drug. To share my story, to break the silence, like a swan singing the last song before the eternal silence. I want to be heard.
I’ll share my thoughts, my battle against Post-Finasteride Syndrome.
A long journey is waiting upon me, and I’m afraid the worst is yet to come. But who knows, sharing my story could help me putting words on a pain, and somehow make it lighter.
I want to be loved. I want to love. I want to embrace my life in every way.
Gabriel.
