Communication : How Adjustable is it?
By : CM
Editor : Lia Andargini
Communication is defined as the process of understanding and sharing meaning (Pearson & Nelson, 2000).
In a relationship, communication allows you to explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are. The act of communication not only helps to meet your needs, but it also helps you to be connected in your relationship (betterhealth.vic.gov.au).
Communication is one of the important and essential parts to build a healthy relationship. You may have the relationship sometimes ups and downs but if you and your partner have good communication, it will become easier.
Not every couple has the same way to communicate with each other. I believe that every person has their own way to communicate. The question is how do you communicate with one and another?
I assume 2 things that will go to find better communication, acceptance or adjusting.
1. Acceptance
Acceptance is about valuing your partner’s differences. It’s about being flexible, tolerant and open-minded. It’s also about knowing how to compromise, understanding that we all make mistakes, and being ready to forgive. Acceptance doesn’t mean always agreeing with your partner. It’s ok to agree to disagree. But it does mean believing that your partner is trying to do the right thing (raising children.net.au).
When you already chose a partner, you accept all of them and their baggage. You just accept them as they are. You just accept their characteristics, opinions, decisions, all of them. Including your partner’s way of communication. It doesn’t mean that you’re careless and don’t wanna talk about it (if you feel uncomfortable), but simply because you feel this communication doesn’t affect anything to your relationship. Because your partner matters the most to you. Communication may be different, yet there are more connections about your partner that are hard to let go. Like, the same vision about the future, the way your partner treats you well, etc.
2. Adjusting
There are times when you are faced with situations where you are the one who has to adjust even though you know you are correct. You ask yourself, ‘I am correct, so why do I have to adjust?’ (dadabhagwan.org).
It may happen when communicating about daily talk, making decisions or sharing opinions.
Sometimes you and your partner have different points of view in the way of communication. One thinks all is totally fine about your communication, on the other hand, your partner feels there is something wrong with the communication, vice versa.
Suddenly, both of you feel the communication you have is a bit wrong and far from the relationship ideal. Then, sooner or later, it may affect your relationship.
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So, what will both of you do?
In my opinion, there are few things that can be done to make these things work out:
A. Be honest to each other. Find the perfect time and place where both of you can share thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. Be honest with your own feelings and tell your partner to do the same.
B. Listening. You must pay attention to what your partner says, vice versa. Make eye contact and avoid distractions. If your partner tries to respond to what you are talking about (in the middle when you’re talking), respond to it. Don’t ever ignore small responses in the middle of conversation from your partner.
But, if you think that your partner’s response makes you lose concentration while you’re still talking, maybe you can give a little smile and keep talking. That should be a hint to your partner to not interrupt and wait for it to finish before responding, and you should do the same.
C. Understanding. It is good to communicate everything in the relationship, which means that you want openness but don’t you know that communication is directly proportional with understanding? I think communication without understanding is like you just want to talk about everything but don’t want to try to understand it. Kinda selfish.
I know sometimes that you feel right than your partner, but don’t ever think that way in a relationship. There is no right or wrong or you are better in this relationship than your partner. Both of you are equal. Try to understand your partner’s perspective, even if you disagree. Validate your partner’s feelings and show that you care.
D. Manage Emotions. Always remind yourself that you are a grown up person who can solve the problem wisely, so avoid shouting or use hurtful language.
E. Seek Compromise. Healthy relationship often involves compromise. I mean that’s the basic thing in a relationship, without compromise maybe the relationship won’t work well. Especially if your relationship is still new, both of you need a lot of compromise on it, then find solutions that work best for you.
That’s all from me. Those tips maybe can help you and your partner to find a way of adjusting the way of communication. Don’t ever think that having a different communication with your partner is a sign that your relationship is not ideal. It’s normal and of course it’s something that can be adjusted. For a new couple, don’t be in a rush to decide to end the relationship, too early to think that this thing won’t work. Please explore more in a way of communication.
Building strong communication skills is an ongoing process. Both of you should be committed to make improvements to a healthy and loving relationship. One important thing that I know and learned from the past is that it takes two to tango, which means that both of you are willing to make it better. It won’t work if it’s just you or your partner that wants to make this relationship healthy.
Always remember : Is it the problem you want to solve or you just want to end the relationship? You choose.
References :
Pearson, J., & Nelson, P. (2000). An introduction to human communication: Understanding and sharing (p. 6). Boston, MA: McGraw-Hill.
