Am I being left behind?
Why does it feel like I’m the only one not moving forward in a world that seems to moves too fast for everyone?
I sit in a room full of people where all of them seem to be busy doing at least one thing, if not more. I look around for someone who is available, someone who is free, someone who can possibly have time for me.
But at every corner of the room I’m stuck inside of is filled with people who are busy enough with their own thoughts. People who are a part of each other’s worlds except me. People who can catch up to each other just fine, without me.
I look down at my unmoving hands, my rings reflecting the light above me, yet all I see is darkness. All I see is a world that houses just me, alone. I feel the coldness around me as if I’m not supposed to feel warmth.
Warmth I can’t seek since it was not meant for me in the first place.
I can feel a distance. Specifically, my distance from them. I look in front of me and I see nothing but an empty road, one that has been obviously walked on.
I walked and walked and walked but I can’t seem to catch up. They’re all moving too fast for me. I can’t see even the slightest sight of at least the smallest of their backs.
How far away are they? How long have they been walking before me?
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I want to give up.
Can’t I just give up?
What’s the point of walking forward if there’s nothing to see in front of you?
The heaviness in my chest just can’t seem to go away. My eyes turn blurry before I even realize. My hands start to shake uncontrollably before I even have the chance to hold onto a tiny sliver of hope.
I can feel my knees wanting to buckle and fall. The ringing in my ears seem to just grow even louder. Every breathe my lungs intake gets harder to do each time.
Is it okay to give up now?
Why do I feel so left behind? What part of the process of growth did I do wrong?
Is there even still hope for me? Is there even still hope for me to reach the pinnacles of life which everyone else has already reached?
Why does it feel like I’m the only one not moving forward in a world that seems to moves too fast for everyone?
Am I being left behind? Again?
