The Grumpy Socialist Guide to the 7th Scottish Parliament MSPs
So, the 2026 Scottish Parliament election was a pile of wank. We had culture war pish, puerile debates over personality and dogshit debates in which discussion about policy never got beyond surface level. In the end, 129 brave crusaders* were elected to represent the plebeian masses. (*mostly landlords, charlatans and careerists).
So that you don’t have to, I’ve undertaken the mammoth exercise of running through every single one of them so that you know what you’re dealing with (along with a few light-hearted/angry observations along the way). A few thoughts on the campaign first, though.
For those of us in the working class movement, it was a profoundly depressing experience. Scotland is in managed decline, with public sector jobs under threat, wages stagnant and the “just transition” from oil and gas to renewables proving itself to be anything but (who would have guessed it?). Few of the parties talked about the real pressing issues: the fact that 100,000 houses in Scotland sit empty, the fact that a few hundred folk own half the fucking country; or the fact that Scotland still has the highest drugs death rate in Europe.
Despite the STUC having identified billions of pounds that could be raised to fund major investment in public services for our people, the economic proposals of the liberal-left parties at Holyrood ranged from vague (the SNP’s “mansion tax”) to insufficient (Greens wealth taxes are good, but land value not touched) to near-non-existent (Labour’s pathetic excuse for a manifesto).
And despite everyone being #scunnered with the Holyrood set in the last parliament — five liberal parties that achieved very little but sure argued a lot about an independence referendum that’s not going to happen any time soon — the only visible protest vote was Reform UK, the new-right coalition of ex-Tory shysters, hotel shouters and weirdos. Expect the vaguely normal ones among their number to defect to other parties or moderate to fit in with Holyrood’s norms within months, but also don’t be surprised if their support continues to grow regardless if the other parties continue to offer nout.
Sure enough, smaller parties were completely marginalised as socialists either stayed at home or gave their votes to liberal-left parties in order to keep out Reform. On the constituency vote, a few hardy Trots ran for Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition (TUSC). Meanwhile, The Scottish Socialist Party offered an alternative on the list, harking back to their creditable achievements in the rainbow parliament of 2003 (before Tommy Sheridan nuked the party with perjury and philandering). You would think the fact that they have persevered with the same failed leadership and strategy for 20 years and can still only achieve 0.4% of the vote suggests they need to try something new, but as my discussion with one of their party organisers suggested the other day, they probably won’t. Socialists in other parties will surely realise their grave error and join their bold project any minute now.
Of course, Your Party Scotland (still a terrible name) briefly looked like they would offer a more high-profile alternative, attracting 4,000 members earlier in the year and holding a relatively successful conference, even in spite of Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana’s melodramatic fallouts down south. Unfortunately, the party HQ in London, disappointed that the party had gone more than 5 minutes without shitting the bed, decided to unilaterally override the Scottish membership’s decision to run candidates, prompting the entire national executive to resign in protest. Bravo.
Fuck knows what will happen next or whether a class-based alternative will emerge, and I suspect most active socialists will be more focused on non-party political work — trade unions, tenants unions, community activism, foodbanks etc — in the meantime. But ‘til that something emerges, or another election rolls around, here’s your handy guide to the new mob:
George Adam — SNP — Paisley
Not a socialist. In relative terms, seems not a bad egg. Loves his wife, loves his town, loves his football team — simple as. Was briefly a minister in the last parliament but didn’t really do anything.
Karen Adam — SNP — Banffshire and Buchan Coast
Not a socialist. Cringey lib backbencher who somehow managed to hold onto her seat by a few hundred votes despite a surge by Reform in her north-east constituency. Expect at least one virtue signalling speech about Reform/the Tories to go viral in the next parliament.
Clare Adamson — SNP — Motherwell and Wishaw
Not a socialist. Another anonymous SNP backbencher who again likely won’t rebel against a single cut in the session, despite representing a poverty-stricken ex-industrial area.
Irshad Ahmed — Labour — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Not a socialist. Local businessman who mysteriously topped the Labour list in his region despite having only been a party member for about five minutes, having previously stood for the SNP and been a member of Alba (rest in piss).
Heather Anderson — SNP — Dundee City West
Not a socialist. Farmer and former four-day MEP who looked cock-a-hoop at winning her safe seat despite the party shedding 12% of its vote share. Having been a non-rebellious SNP councillor, expect her to take to her dutiful role of waving through cuts with gusto.
Tom Arthur — SNP — Renfrewshire West and Levern Valley
Not a socialist. Dull-as-dishwater minister who has made a habit of answering questions as unenthusiastically as possible. Deserves some credit for work on the Community Wealth Building (Scotland) Bill, although he neutered some of its advocates’ more meaningful proposals.
Jackie Baillie — Labour — Dumbarton
Not a socialist. Longstanding doyenne of Scottish Labour’s vicious right wing. Undeniably competent. Having spent much of the fifth parliament undermining democratically elected socialist leader Richard Leonard, she was back to her best in the sixth, crying about corruption in other parties while ruthlessly culling anyone to the left of Peter Mandelson in her own. Should resign as deputy leader after the party lost ground yet again — won’t because the media adore her. Expect plenty more Jackie Baillie pish.
Claire Baker — Labour — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Nearly 20 years in the parliament, she’s one of the few from the halcyon days of Blair-era domination to remain in post. God knows why because there’s nothing interesting about her. Disgracefully and publicly supported the UK Government’s decision to introduce means-testing for the Winter Fuel Payment.
Max Bannerman — Reform — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. Not the fella hunting the beer baron either. Toff ex-Tory candidate, despite looking about 12. Director of Balintraid Strategy Limited, which is either a pointless management consultancy grift or a cover name for a Spectre-style supervillain operation. Bears a striking resemblance to far-right blogger turned Daily Mail correspondent and shameless deporter of minority women Christian Calgie.
David Barratt — SNP — Cowdenbeath
(Probably) not a socialist. Quality barnet — he should rename himself that. Sickboy from Trainspotting is a bit of an unknown quantity. Fife comrades may have a better idea judging by his website…
Andrew Baxter — Lib Dem — Skye, Lochaber and Badenoch
Not a socialist. Only joined the Lib Dems two years ago. Now set to represent a constituency larger than the entire island of Jamaica. Expect him to drone on about dualling the A9 at every opportunity.
Colin Beattie — SNP — Midlothian North
Not a socialist. Hobbity former international banker who is most famous for not doing anything shady while SNP treasurer, which is obviously why he resigned as SNP treasurer. Bloke seems shadier than a palm tree.
Senga Beresford — Reform — South Scotland
Not a socialist. It’s said that racism in the petite bourgeoisie is often rooted in economic insecurity and a fear of losing their tenuous social position. I bore that in mind that when I saw that small business owner Ms Beresford supported deporting Muslims and liked Tommy Robinson. But then it turned out that she held those views before being selected as a candidate, so it’s all hunky dory. Phew!
Neil Bibby — Labour — West Scotland
Not a socialist. Definitely on the Ozempic. Committed peddler of the right wing narrative that the Scottish Government is addicted to waste and that the whole thing should be stripped down (in a progressive, cuddly way of course).
Dawn Black — SNP — Angus North and Mearns
Not a socialist. Rural newbie and former councillor. On the plus side, she she shared a Jonathan Pie video that rightly noted that the country’s net zero targets are not radical enough. On the negative side, she still shared a Jonathan Pie video.
Amanda Bland — Reform — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Not a socialist. Recently claimed she was a victim of mistaken identity, but to be fair, half of these Reform MSPs have the exact same face and wild expression. Used to work in child protection, so naturally, she has joined a party that wants to put children seeking asylum into concentration camps.
Steven Bonnar — SNP — Uddingston and Bellshill
Not a socialist. Celtic Da best known for his time on the expenses gravy train at Westminster. Was pretty good on trade union issues as an MP.
Gary Bouse — SNP — Falkirk West
Not a socialist. God knows what he is to be fair. The most interesting fact that this piece on new MSPs could drum up about him is that he has 40 years’ experience in business management. Thrilling stuff.
Miles Briggs — Conservative — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Not a socialist. The first Tory on our list, not counting the Reform converts. Can’t speak and has all the charisma of a plantpot. Notably, despite being in the parliament for 10 years, he is best known for having been cleared of sexual harassment.
Alan Brown — SNP — Kilmarnock and Irvine Valley
Not a socialist. Another former MP jumping ship to make up for the colossal gap in SNP “talent” that departed at the end of the last session. Wins points for being unapologetic about his accent — he’s an Ayrshireman — and for getting “get it right up ye” into Hansard a few years ago.
Keith Brown — SNP — Clackmannanshire and Dunblane
Not a socialist. Currently the depute leader of the party, but not deputy first minister. Despite being a former union man who stood on an anti-poll tax ticket in the 1980s, he’s not radical today. He was a particularly shite justice secretary, overseeing yet more cuts to legal aid for folk who need it. Not the worst, but a party politician through and through.
Siobhian Brown — SNP — Ayr
Not a socialist. Ask any firefighter want they think about the uninspiring “community safety” minister and they’ll tell you that she’s been worse than useless. The FBU union has been making the same calls for years: no more jobs cuts, no more station closures, bring facilities into the 21st century, and ffs, stop putting firefighters at risk of cancers and other diseases by making simple changes to decontamination procedures.
Holly Bruce — Green — Glasgow Southside
Possibly a socialist. She’s a former lawyer, student politician and councillor who hasn’t exactly been a class warrior in the city chambers. There was also her embarrassing behaviour and subsequent justifications when it emerged she was a shareholder in BrewDog(shit), the depraved beer firm that fires and rehires staff like it’s going out of fashion. That said, she’s a vocal supporter of Palestinian liberation and a champion of tenants’ rights, however trendy that might be in Southside. If she stands up for workers in parliament, she’ll get the benefit of the doubt.
Ariane Burgess — Green — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. Not as culpable as some of her party colleagues were in the austerity coalition with the SNP last session, but unlike central belters like Bruce, she’s undoubtedly on the useless hippy wing of her party. Commonly found opposing any and every proposed development in her constituency and writing spiritualist self-help guff for “Findhorn Press”.
Alexander Burnett — Conservative — Aberdeenshire West
Not a socialist. Eton-educated aristocrat and distant relative of the King. Also a landlord, millionaire, large estate owner and property developer, not to mention enthusiastic supporter of the genocide in Gaza. He’s a cunt, to put it mildly.
Kate Campbell — SNP — Edinburgh Eastern, Musselburgh and Tranent
Probably not a socialist. Came into politics after campaigning in the 2014 independence referendum, “inspired to build a fairer society”. Later worked for Tommy Sheppard, a former MP on the left of the party. She’s a councillor in the capital, where her party haven’t exactly shown much gumption or radicalism, but she’s spot on about parasitic short term lets.
Michelle Campbell — SNP — Renfrewshire North and Cardonald
Not a socialist. Registered nurse who won “councillor of the year” in 2019 — although they were SNP-run awards so they would say that. Former staffer to a centrist MP, so don’t expect her to be particularly rebellious.
Finlay Carson — Conservative — Galloway and West Dumfries
Not a socialist. Tetchy Tory who described his role as convener of a parliamentary committee as his “dream job”. Professional dullard who thinks that yelling at witnesses is the same thing as standing up for rural communities.
Maggie Chapman — Green — North East Scotland
Socialist. Radical independence supporter regarded as left wing firebrand by much of the press. In truth, she was disappointingly silent on her own party’s cuts, dodgy PFI deals and capitulation on key issues in coalition Government. She has credit in the bank from her anti-cuts campaigning before that point, including as a councillor, so let’s hope she’s more robust this time and doesn’t get bogged down debating culture war issues. Was involved in a dispute over bullying with rival candidate and former staffer Guy Ingerson — fuck knows the truth about that but it seemed petty.
Yi-pei Chou Turvey — Lib Dem — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. Surprising to see a Lib Dem MSP who doesn’t resemble an earnest bank manager, but as a multilingual, well-educated rabid Europhile who was raised in Brussels, she’ll reassure middle class Guardianistas who are horrified by the populist goblins taking their seats around her.
Katy Clark — Labour — West Scotland
Socialist. Trade unionist, ex-MP and staffer for Jeremy Corbyn when he led Labour, Clark is one of a dwindling number of MSPs who still believe the party’s rotting, flea-ridden corpse can be a vehicle for socialism. Undoubtedly a comrade, but she achieved the square root of fuck all in the last Parliament, tactically avoiding rebellions and failing to get her FOI reform bill over the line in time. There’s also the small matter of her ermine cloak — she was appointed to the Lords by Corbyn on an abolitionist platform, but curiously didn’t step down when elected an MSP, despite promising to do so, apparently only taking a leave of absence. Hmmm.
Alex Cole-Hamilton — Lib Dem — Edinburgh North Western
Not a socialist. Insufferable posho narcissist and easily one of the most dislikeable MSPs in the whole place. More likely to be found courting Tory rivals, campaigning for centrist presidential candidates in the US or downing pints when he’s supposed to be voting.
Angela Constance — SNP — Almond Valley
Not a socialist. One of the more colourful ministers in the Government, in more ways than one. She’s a former social worker who doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but she isn’t exactly a radical reformer either. It’s worth checking out her TikTok, for those who are interested in that kinda thing.
Vic Currie — Reform — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. Apparently does exist, but no cunt in his home of Shetland seem to know who the fuck he is. Apparently a former navy man, who would no doubt put those skills to use by deterring migrants trying to sneak their way in via Shetland, or something. His candidate page says: “With a background built on discipline and care, he is committed to replacing partisan gridlock with rational, common-sense decision-making that benefits everyone, not just the few.” What a heap of mince.
Martyn Day — SNP — Falkirk East and Linlithgow
Not a socialist. Owner of the most unfortunately gormless parliamentary portrait when he was an MP. Until recently a caseworker for the recently retired MSP Gordon MacDonald, he has been, like a few of his former MP colleagues, no stranger to a dodgy junket.
Sanne Dijkstra-Downie — Lib Dem — Edinburgh Northern
Not a socialist. If there’s one thing ordinary punters get more annoyed about than politicians on inflated salaries, it’s double-jobbing politicians on inflated salaries (well, one inflated salary and one shite one, but you get the gist). Ms DD plans to stay on as a councillor because she’ll be “representing the same people” — well that’s all alright then, Sanne.
Bob Doris — SNP — Glasgow Kelvin and Maryhill
Not a socialist. Seems quite a likeable goofball, and if you can’t get a good socialist elected, you might as well have one of those. Reportedly a decent constituency MSP, but he won’t go against the grain on much.
Iris Duane — Green — Glasgow
Socialist. Black and trans, so expect the Daily Mail to vociferously object whenever she has the temerity to make a speech. I’m pleasantly surprised that a working class person managed to stand for the Greens in the west end of all places, so fair fucks. However, she’s also dead young and will need good folk advising her if she’s to avoid getting institutionalised by Holyrood’s stifling culture — in other words, she should ignore the fuck out of Lorna Slater and Patrick Harvie.
Jackie Dunbar — SNP — Aberdeen Donside
Not a socialist. Most recognisable for gesticulating wildly and making moody, exaggerated faces whenever she disagrees with something someone has said in the parliament. Good on STV cuts, I guess.
Duncan Dunlop — Lib Dem — South Scotland
Not a socialist. About 7 ft tall. Coaches rugby in his spare time. Has the most Scottish Lib Dem name I’ve ever seen. One of those overpaid charity executives who thinks that qualifies him to speak up for the poors.
Tim Eagle — Conservative — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. Looks and sounds like a wee boy, but is apparently a dad of three. Used to be a missionary in Mozambique but discovered that conning folk back home is more fun. Revealed in the last session that he used to fancy Richard Leonard — I’m not making that up.
Joe Fagan — Labour — South Scotland
Claims he’s a socialist, but ehhhh. Council chief with a penchant for hiking council tax, leaking to the press and endorsing Jackie Baillie in internal elections. As a former SEC member, expect him to be one of her attack dogs.
Jim Fairlie — SNP — Perthshire South and Kinross-shire
Not a socialist. Agriculture minister who co-founded Farmers4Yes and speaks up for “rural interests” in Government—that’s usually code for speaking up for wealthy landowners rather than tenant farmers or crofters. Deserves credit for waving off a million dull Tory questions in the last session about damned seagulls.
Russell Findlay — Conservative — West Scotland
Not a socialist. Horrible bastard who cut his teeth working for The S*n newspaper. Has pushed the Tories further right in a bid to win back disaffected racists who have fled to Reform. Says he’ll still be Tory leader in 2031 — here’s hoping, given they look terminal on his watch.
Stephen Flynn — SNP — Aberdeen South and North Kincardine
Not a socialist. Ambitious young Nat who is clearly angling to put himself in the frame as a future First Minister, even if it means triggering a by-election in his former Westminster seat. No radical but quite affable, and it was fun watching him skewer Keir Starmer for supporting genocide and appointing pals of nonces etc.
Murdo Fraser — Conservative — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Hard right Invernessian and staunch Rangers man who was part of the “hang Mandela” crowd as a student. Usually found garbling stupid, ill-informed shite on Twitter and getting his arse handed to him by John Swinney in Perthshire North.
Meghan Gallacher — Conservative — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Not a socialist. Bellshill scab who left working in retail to work for a Baron. Spent much of the last session lodging amendments to gut the housing bill in favour of her landlord pals. Fucking terrifying.
Stephen Gethins — SNP — Dundee City East
Not a socialist. The sort of liberal internationalist who entirely frames independence around Scotland rejoining the EU (will we get a vote on that, Stephen?). Often attacked Jeremy Corbyn from the right while party spokesperson on Europe during his first stint as an MP.
Zen Ghani — SNP — Glasgow Cathcart and Pollok
Probably not a socialist. Southside youngster who has spoken candidly about growing in severe poverty and being raised in kinship care. Seems to have got into politics by working for Nicola Sturgeon for a while. Absolutely pumped future First Minister Anas Sarwar in vote share, which is funny.
Kenneth Gibson — SNP — Cunninghame North
Not a socialist. Tartan Tory and party attack dog who chaired the finance committee in the last session like it was his personal fiefdom. Particularly seems to enjoy shouting at women in the parliament. Deeply unpleasant and no friend to workers.
Patricia Gibson — SNP — Cunninghame South
Not a socialist. Married to Kenneth Gibson. The less egregious member of the Ayrshire power couple. However, as someone who grew up in Ayrshire, I know fine well how she’s really thought of in the Three Towns — not highly. Cleared, on appeal, of sexual misconduct against a staff member.
Jenny Gilruth — SNP — Mid Fife and Glenrothes
Not a socialist. As education secretary, she’s well-regarded by her party but not so much by the trade unions that she deals with. She was the transport secretary during the ASLEF industrial dispute over pay in 2022, during which she accused the union of a “lack of respect”. Sling your hook, Jenny.
Hannah Goodlad — SNP — Shetland Islands
Probably not a socialist. Brainy renewables worker who pipped a complacent Lib Dem council chief to the Shetland seat. Apparently a big proponent of community-owned energy, so hopefully she pushes that issue.
Neil Gray — SNP — Airdrie
Not a socialist. Somehow still the health secretary, despite relentless attacks by the opposition and endless missed targets in the NHS. In truth, he has a difficult hand, given the Government’s unwillingness to meaningfully invest in prevention policies. Still, his betrayal of workers on pay and conditions speaks volumes.
David Green — Lib Dem — Caithness, Sutherland and Ross
Not a socialist. Former adviser to Charles Kennedy, the last Lib Dem remotely worth a damn. A former boy scout and press officer — similar roles to be fair — expect him to win plaudits for being “consensual”, focusing on “rural campaigns” and a load of other bollocks that only Holyrood Magazine care about.
Ross Greer — Green — West Scotland
Socialist. Kind of. Bearsden career politician who loathes wearing ties and has never worked a real job but is pretty good at the debating lark. For all he’s a right-on Twitter warrior that winds up the Piers Morgans of the world, he’s equally adept at winding up everyone else. Defended the indefensible austerity coalition. Claims he was bullied into hospital by ordinary activists, which isn’t nice, but their story is very different, so no comment.
Mark Griffin — Labour — Central Scotland
Not a socialist. Lanky former soldier who loves NATO. Was Labour’s housing spokesperson in the last session. You wouldn’t know, given his flavourless speeches sounded like they’d been drafted by Shelter half the time. Went from quoting Living Rent and supporting rent controls to spouting this garbage.
Katie Hagmann — SNP — Carrick, Cumnock and Doon Valley
Not a socialist. Resources spokesperson for COSLA — in other words, it’s her job to tell trade unions to fuck off when they dare to ask for better deals for their members. To her credit, she has been outspoken about the lack of support for local Government from her own party, but then, councillors all say that then go noticeably silent when they’re elected as MSPs.
Rachael Hamilton — Conservative — Ettrick, Roxburgh and Berwickshire
Not a socialist. Smug hotelier who could best be described as The Telegraph’s comment section made flesh. Fined in 2018 for screwing hotel workers out of pensions they were owed. Most likely to complain about MSPs not being civil in the chamber and then demand taking rights away from minority groups.
Adam Harley — Lib Dem — Strathkelvin and Bearsden
Not a socialist. Trained actor — but then they all are, am I right hehe???? Kind of what you’d expect. Ex-charity bloke. Done a few worthy things as a volunteer. Will talk up a few causes that matter to middle class folk in Lennoxtown.
Patrick Harvie — Green — Glasgow
Has previously claimed to be a socialist. But as co-leader of the Greens and coalition minister, didn’t behave anything like one. Voted against establishing a public energy company. Celebrated the selling off Scotland’s wind assets. Voted through budget cuts. Often says a lot of the right things in parliament, but his record isn’t one of walking the walk for workers.
Clare Haughey — SNP — Rutherglen and Cambuslang
Not a socialist. Was a pretty ineffectual minister and has been criticised in the press for “toadying” questions to the Scottish Government as a backbencher. A former nurse, she has some solidly traditional social democratic views, commenting that “Trade Union recognition is a bare minimum in ensuring workers rights. Not an end point or an optional extra for employers.”
Jamie Hepburn — SNP — Cumbernauld and Kilsyth
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Not a socialist. But again, a pretty solid social democrat, albeit one who was average in ministerial office. Once had a bit of a militant streak in him and even signed up to the People’s Charter back in 2009. Was forced to resign for ridiculous reasons: touching Douglas Ross on the shoulder and swearing at him. Ross promptly claimed assault because he’s a grass and a crybaby.
Craig Hoy — Conservative — Dumfriesshire
Not a socialist. Right wing former businessman who co-founded the aforementioned Holyrood Magazine. Often whinges about the “left wing consensus” at Holyrood — given the parliament’s record on wealth redistribution and privatisation, we can only assume that he means that those parties at least support folk in poverty being given enough in benefits to not starve to death.
Daniel Johnson — Labour — Edinburgh Southern
Not a socialist. Private school boy and former management consultant who now reigns over Red Morningside. Spent most of Richard Leonard’s leadership leaking to the press and sulking on the backbenches. A member of the Co-Operative Party, which doesn’t mean that he challenges private enterprise but does mean that he sometimes goes to the Co-Op instead of Waitrose when he’s feeling thrifty.
Alex Kerr — SNP — Hamilton, Larkhall and Stonehouse
Not a socialist. The first of five Kerrs in the new Parliament and probably the least offensive. East end boy who replaced Labour’s useless Orangeman Davy Russell, who benefited from a split vote to win the by-election in Hamilton last year. Took a pop at the Mandelson cabal earlier this year, but as national secretary, he’s unlikely to rock the boat when it comes to scandals in his own party.
Calum Kerr — SNP — Midlothian South, Tweeddale and Lauderdale
Not a socialist. Businessman and super pro-EU bordersman who gleefully regurgitated Labour right attack lines on Corbyn when was an MP a decade ago. Used to be a Lib Dem.
Liam Kerr — Conservative — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. Conceited posho lawyer who carries the air of someone who loves the smell of his own farts. Reportedly begged local Reform campaigners not to split the vote in his constituency. Tough titties.
Stephen Kerr — Conservative — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Definitely on the Ozempic. Only sneaked back in because of a fascist holocaust denier’s cosplay Green party. A loud, disruptive presence in parliament who is about as popular as gonorrhoea with his colleagues. The National’s comments section can be a riddy, but this fella has him bang to rights: “a bungling blowhard, an empty political vessel, a fatuous mediocrity”.
Thomas Kerr — Reform — Glasgow
Not a socialist. The worst Kerr of the lot. The archetypal Reform candidate: used to be a Tory, looks like a League of Gentlemen character, talks like a bigoted robot and impressive to braindead columnists like Kevin McKenna. Describes desperate families seeking asylum and people building a new life as “strangers”. Even his fellow Reform MSPs admit he’s a weasel. He has competition, but in contention to be the most obnoxious fucker in the place.
Kayleigh Kinross-O’Neill — Green — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Possibly a socialist. Supports the Better Buses for Strathclyde campaign. Put Joanna Cherry in her place on day 1 of being an MSP, so she’s off to a good start. Former SNP member who later became head of office for Lorna Slater, which is less endearing. Could be alright — she’s got that moralistic Green tendency of calling her opponents fascists.
David Kirkwood — Reform — South Scotland
Not a socialist. SNP voter for 40 years who backed Yes in 2014. Probably one of the less outwardly right wing characters in the new Reform mob, but no less confused judging by this piece. “Our members comprise many differing political views (and none!)” — well, I can readily admit that there’s nothing going in the heads of some of them, to be fair.
Simita Kumar — SNP — Edinburgh South Western
Socialist. So she says, although kind of in that Bennite, we’re like Old Labour sort of way. Leader of the SNP group at Edinburgh Council, and they aren’t exactly a revolutionary bunch. But she’s a foodbank volunteer and focuses much of her campaigning on alleviating child poverty. One to watch, perhaps.
Jamie Langan — Reform — South Scotland
Not a socialist. Another private school toff with a plummy accent who would probably have stood for the Tories a few years ago. Info on the bloke is scant — the only other thing that I could find out about him is that he does that weird walk that all politicians do when doing a piece to camera.
Kristopher Leask — Green — Highlands and Islands
Possibly a socialist. Orcadian boffin who supports workers on strike and likes community energy but also celebrated the ScotWind debacle. Seems to be a party man first and foremost. Loses points for criticising this banger.
David Linden — SNP — Glasgow Baillieston and Shettleston
Socialist. I think. Undoubtedly on the left of the SNP anyway. Cites Red Clydesider John Wheatley as his hero and is a long-time supporter of the SNP Trade Union Group. Often seen on picket lines. That said, like many nationalists, has a bit of cognitive dissonance when it comes to the SNP’s own dodgy approach to industrial relations. Also a bit of a “Karen” about protests.
Amanda Lindsay — Reform — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Not a socialist. At first glance, just another manic ex-Tory type who thinks Reform offer “common sense”. However, she also spreads far-right and anti-Semitic conspiracy theories online. Has called for Scottish universities to be defunded if they do not scrap diversity and inclusion policies. A classic bigoted Facebook maw, basically.
Joe Long — Labour — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Reedy third sector type — in other words, the new Paul O’Kane. Former exec of the Scottish Fabians, so you know that he’ll come with some of the most lukewarm takes imaginable. Forgettable Labour centrist.
Douglas Lumsden — Conservative — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. Reportedly used AI to submit nearly 1,000 written questions to the Scottish government in the month of January 2025 alone in a bid to root out public sector waste, asking things like how much cutlery in the Holyrood canteen costs, ironically wasting taxpayers’ money in the process. A space cadet of the highest order.
Morven-May MacCallum — Lib Dem — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. Has authored two books about her experience with Lyme disease, so you can tick those off your list — sorry, that pun was cruel. Other than that, I could probably copy and paste the entry about Andrew Baxter.
Julie MacDougall — Reform — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Not the only Scottish Labour councillor to have defected to Reform — the pipeline is real. Of course, nothing screams Labour like a resume of property development and estates management. Previously courted Labour Movement for Europe for an election endorsement then complained about Labour HQ parachuting in a candidate, which is like complaining about the sky for allowing it to rain. Conveniently changed her political outlook when Reform offered her a route to Holyrood.
Fulton MacGregor — SNP — Coatbridge and Chryston
Not a socialist. But the sort of central belter who’d have represented Labour a few decades ago. Always turns up for workers’ memorial events and that kind of thing. Offered very little as a backbencher in the last parliament, but is getting more independent-minded.
Gillian Mackay — Green — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Possibly a socialist. As co-leader, she tends to use more woolly language than that. Did decent work with her member’s bill to introduce abortion safe access zones. Was pretty underwhelming when it came to calling out the Scottish Government over its failures in relation to the refinery closure in her native Grangemouth, but literally shed tears on live radio at the party’s austerity coalition collapsing. If you’re gonnae cry, Gillian, cry for the workers.
Donald MacKinnon — Labour — Na h-Eileanan an Iar
Not a socialist. Crofter and Isle of Lewis resident who undoubtedly capitalised on the SNP’s miserable record on ferries. (Just invest to build lots of the fuckers in Scotland and stop appointing useless management types to oversee the process ffs). Party loyalist. Pally with former Record hack and now MP Torcuil Crichton.
Ben Macpherson — SNP — Edinburgh North Eastern and Leith
Not a socialist. One of those ministers who has turned rambling and philosophising about nothing into an absolute art form. Like Gilruth, not exactly a dab hand at union negotiations, not that that seems to matter once you’ve been dubbed a “rising star” (code for “can waffle and look presentable”) by the media.
Michael Marra — Labour — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. Waiting in the wings when media darling Anas Sarwar finally realises that leading Labour to their worst ever result two elections in a row isn’t actually very good. Describes himself as being on the “soft left”, but he certainly wasn’t particularly “soft” when he backed means testing pensioners. Benefited from classic Labour chicanery in order to be renominated in Dundee ahead of his socialist rival Mercedes Villalba.
Gillian Martin — SNP — Aberdeenshire East
Not a socialist. The cab sec supposedly driving Scotland towards net zero, I must admit that I’ve never seen her contribute anything that didn’t involve reading something that was handed to her by civil servants. Apologised in 2018 after it was revealed she’d made racist and transphobic comments on a blog. Dim or malicious? You decide.
Q Manivannan — Green — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Socialist. Good on Palestine solidarity. If reports are to be believed, they’re about to be deported any second, their election having attracted the ire of senior Tory MPs down in Westminster. Just to really drive them nuts, Q’s opening words as an elected MSP were their pronouns, nationality and sexual orientation. While Q’s election is understandably a moment for the LGBT+ community, let’s hope that what defines them isn’t their identity but what they actually achieve for workers in this parliament.
Duncan Massey — Reform — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. I’m getting bored of saying ex-Tory councillor, but it’s the defining thing about these freaks. Worked for 20 years in oil and gas, and now wants to be part of a party that will destroy the planet more rapidly than the Tories ever could. Dream big, Duncan lad.
Màiri McAllan — SNP — Clydesdale
Not a socialist. Future First Minister, so we’re constantly told, probably because she’s a telegenic former corporate lawyer who can string a sentence together. Best known to members of Living Rent because her job as housing secretary appeared to primarily be throwing in exemptions for build-to-rent developers at every opportunity in the rent controls bill in order to placate the landlord lobby.
Liam McArthur — Lib Dem — Orkney Islands
Not a socialist. Known for three reasons: 1, his Mugabe-style majority; 2, his assisted dying bill, which divided the parliament in unimaginable ways; and 3, his sonorous voice and easy-going personality that makes him a shoo-in for Presiding Officer, should he want the job.
Helen McDade — Reform — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Former environmental charity worker and vet who now presumably loves fracking and hunting instead. Her son Xander is the left wing provost of Perth and Kinross Council, which goes to show that our political class come in all shapes and sizes.
Cara McKee — Green — West Scotland
Possibly a socialist. Green-haired poet, so she ticks off every stereotype about her party right off the bat. Contrary to how she’ll be portrayed by the right wing parties, her campaigning isn’t all windmills and communal living — she’s been a big campaigner for joined-up bus services, extended childcare and bringing Ardrossan Harbour into public ownership.
Ivan McKee — SNP — Glasgow Easterhouse and Springburn
Not a socialist. Pro-business minister who is nevertheless more across industrial issues than most of his colleagues. More a tetchy bookkeeper than a ruthless capitalist, but he backed centre-right Kate Forbes for leader a few years ago.
Paul McLennan — SNP — East Lothian Coast and Lammermuirs
Not a socialist. Quite possibly the most excruciating person to listen to in the entire legislature. Talks like he’s trying to pass a kidney stone. Backed by left wing think tank Common Weal ahead of the 2021 election. I don’t know why — he was a pitiful housing minister and not an ally to tenants.
Stuart McMillan — SNP — Inverclyde
Not a socialist. A decent constituency MSP, particularly when it has to come to advocating for the Ferguson Marine workers at Port Glasgow. Bit of a bruiser in the Parliament, based on what I’ve seen from him on the telly. Still rebels on fuck all.
Marie McNair — SNP — Clydebank and Milngavie
Not a socialist. Former Labour councillor who defected to the SNP a decade ago. Doesn’t really do anything, to the point that you forget she exists. In fact, there’s an easy way to remember: if they’re an SNP MSP with a name beginning with M, they’re definitely anonymous, shite or both.
Pauline McNeill — Labour — Glasgow
Not a socialist. Surprisingly good on Palestine and foreign issues more generally, but absolutely batshit on most other things. As justice spokesperson for her party, she appears to spend most the time just parroting whatever the police (or her lawyer husband) tells her. She also fucking loves covering KT Tunstall.
Lloyd Melville — SNP — Angus South
Probably not a socialist. Idk, I got too distracted to look into it. I’ll admit, I hadn’t heard of this guy before penning this, and I had to cross-check his photograph from different sources because I assumed he must be AI. With respect to any comrades who are young and specky, if you had to draw a specky nationalist who was involved Young Scots for Independence, this is what you’d come up with.
Colm Merrick — SNP — Glasgow Anniesland
Not a socialist. At least, folk who questioned him at the recent Trades Council hustings tell me he wasn’t much cop. He’s an ex-councillor in leafy Giffnock who used to work in defence and financial services. He also resembles Penfold — okay, I need to stop with the likenesses, but give me a break. There’s 129 of these fuckers to tell you about.
Jack Middleton — SNP — Aberdeen Central
Not a socialist. SPAD to John Swinney for the past four years, so he definitely knows the FM’s deepest, darkest secrets — or at least his coffee order. From what I can work out, he studied politics at uni, got a job in a parliamentary office, did some comms roles and is now an MSP. I hate to sound like an old fart, but I feel like working at least one job outside politics should be a prerequisite to represent ordinary people.
Jenni Minto — SNP — Argyll and Bute
Not a socialist. Ex-big four accountant turned minister for public health. She’s always seemed below the radar and uncontroversial, but apparently she’s a particular target for transphobes who’ve gone completely mental over the past few years, such as the bigoted Hillsborough truther and video games blogger Stuart “Wings Over Bath” Campbell.
Laura Mitchell — SNP — Moray
Not a socialist. She appears to have advocated more radical/controversial views in the past, particularly around sex work, when she was younger. Called the late Margo MacDonald her hero (there are worse ones), but she’s also a protégé of bumbling ex-minister Richard Lochhead (not so good).
Carol Mochan — Labour — South Scotland
Socialist. One of only three successful candidates backed by Campaign for Socialism, the moribund Scottish version of Momentum. Good at advocating for workers, but it’s telling that the only issue that she was willing to cross her party on in the last session wasn’t a point of socialist principle but gender recognition. She also is (or was) a landlord.
Laura Moodie — Green — South Scotland
Socialist. I’ve heard mostly good things. Good trade unionist. Takes no shit. Probably as radical a representative as you’ll get elected in the South of Scotland. She’ll also help you fix your toilet.
Kate Nevens — Green — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Possibly a socialist. Primarily known by the public for one thing: calling for the abolition of prisons, a silly accelerationist position that goes down like a bucket of cold sick in working class communities. I understood her point: prisons are coercive tools of class power, but the socialist position isn’t to abolish them overnight. She might well be on the left, but she comes across as an out of touch bougie liberal. Hopefully she proves me wrong.
Malcolm Offord — Reform — West Scotland
Not a socialist. Hand-picked by Nigel Farage to lead Reform in Scotland (does the party even hold elections?), Offord symbolises why there is, for now, a ceiling on Reform’s support, despite their joint second place showing. He’s a converted Tory baron and private equity parasite who has made a living exploiting working people and hoovering up their labour to reward himself. Proudly owns six homes, six boats and five cars. Meanwhile, 120,000 people are on housing waiting lists in Scotland. Dick.
Kirsten Oswald — SNP — Eastwood
Not a socialist. Not particularly disagreeable either. Another former MP who was dethroned in Starmer’s loveless landslide. Used to do HR at a college before getting involved in politics during the Indyref, going on to become a foodbank volunteer with Women for Independence.
Willie Rennie — Lib Dem — Fife North East
Not a socialist. Much loved by the lobby pack for his ridiculous election stunts while party leader, which he was doing long before Ed Davey started doing the same. Has developed a cuddly public persona as a result, but in true liberal fashion he can’t help defending the virtues of a ruthless free market or moralising hysterically in defence of sponging landlords.
Emma Roddick — SNP — Inverness and Nairn
Says she’s a socialist. Big backer of rent controls in the last parliament, which endeared her to tenants. However, she didn’t exactly press that home when it came to voting on anti-landlord amendments to the housing bill. (I swear that SNP whips must be bloody terrifying because none of them ever rebel on fucking anything.) Partially repaired her reputation simply by virtue of having dumped ruddy dinosaur Fergus Ewing out of Parliament.
Angela Ross — Reform — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Not a socialist. Kept popping up with measured takes during election coverage, so clearly trusted as one of the less mental ones in the Reform group. Amusingly, Ross is a “diversity champion”, having co-founded a tech firm that delivers “woke training” to companies on compliance. Bold for a new MSP whose party would abolish the Equality Act if it entered Government.
Mark Ruskell — Green — Mid Scotland and Fife
Not a socialist. Apparently regarded as the adult in the room by rival parties dealing with the Greens. Pretty lowkey and mostly focused on advocating for more progressive transport policies. His heart is clearly in the right place, but fuck me, of all the important issues ordinary folk need tackled, he threw his energy in the last session into passing a member’s bill that banned greyhound racing on oval tracks. Get a fucking grip.
Katherine Sangster — Labour — Edinburgh and Lothians East
Not a socialist. Fabian bigwig who has been floating about in Labour’s candidate selections for a few years. Used to work for the hated Ian Murray, the Blairite ghoul who nearly defected to the car crash Funny Tinge — Centrist — CUKTIG party or whatever it was called in 2019. If her politics reflect his, expect fuck all.
Anas Sarwar — Labour — Glasgow
Not a socialist. Private-educated millionaire narcissist who genuinely believed he could be First Minister because the bellend billionaire brothers running subpar bus company McGill’s told him so and gave him dosh. A failure who has led the party to consecutive record defeats, yet gets a pass from the media because he called on Starmer to resign in February. A cynical and brazen politician with the charisma of a wet flannel.
Kim Schmullian — Reform — Glasgow
Not a socialist. Trained solicitor trained on conflict management, which will be useful when the Reform group inevitably all fall out with each other over how racist they’re allowed to be. Works as an administrator for at an Episcopalian church. Doubtless, the priest hasn’t yet broken the news to her that Jesus was a refugee.
Graham Simpson — Reform — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Not a socialist. Dry-witted ex-journo who was not top of my bingo card for Tory defections to Reform, although it makes more sense when you consider how strained his relationship was with his former colleagues, after he was accused of bullying a female staffer.
Mark Simpson — Reform — North East Scotland
Not a socialist. Aberdonian salesman who travelled the world over many years, ingratiating himself in other cultures, before presumably realising that he hated all of them, which is why he chose to join a party of far-right jingoists.
Lorna Slater — Green — Edinburgh Central
Not a socialist. First, the good bit: she beat Angus Robertson, the neoliberal Zionist cab sec who was doing away with cultural infrastructure piece by piece. (As a bonus, grifting narcissist “Bonnie Prince Bob”, the only working class man in Edinburgh™, received a humiliating vote share in the same seat). That doesn’t undo the bad: as a minister, she signed off one of the biggest PFI deals in Scotland’s history, effectively selling off the rights to swathes of woodlands. Worse, she tried to sell her asset-stripping move for wealthy landowners’ benefit as progressive.
Alyn Smith — SNP — Stirling
Not a socialist. Preening centrist with prominent eyebrows. Pitched himself as the party’s Europhile saviour when he pleaded with the trading bloc to “leave a light on so [Scotland] can find our way home”. An ardent Atlanticist who casually used Trump’s militant stance towards Greenland to promote the military alliance NATO. Not to be trusted.
David Smith — Reform — West Scotland
Not a socialist. Carer and former Navy officer who wants to address the “high levels of industrial illness” in his area, which is one of the most affected in Scotland. Naturally, the best way to do so is to get elected for an anti-trade union party that thinks health and safety is for snowflakes.
Shirley-Anne Somerville — SNP — Dunfermline
Not a socialist. Big beast in the SNP cabinet and a nationalist since she was 16. Made minimal effort to avert teacher strikes while education secretary and has been cripplingly unambitious in her new role as social justice sec, which sees her spearheading plans to bring down rates of child poverty.
Pauline Stafford — SNP — Bathgate
Not a socialist. Classically-trained pianist, which immediately means she has more hinterland than 90% of MSPs. One of the many, many nationalist councillors making the jump to Holyrood.
Collette Stevenson — SNP — East Kilbride
Not a socialist. Often spotted smouldering in the background during parliamentary proceedings. Not particularly radical — has previously indulged in dumb cybernattery by criticising trade unions just because they happen to be affiliated to the Labour Party.
Paul Sweeney — Labour — Glasgow
Not a socialist. Campaign for Socialism seem to think he is, having endorsed him in 2021 and again this year. Cares a lot about preserving Glasgow’s architecture and has plenty of okay Labourist views on bread-and-butter issues like social housing and industrial strategy. Ex-army reserve who would let BAE Systems procure his granny if it benefitted their apprenticeship programme.
John Swinney — SNP — Perthshire North
Not a socialist. Jolly Boy John is probably the least inspiring First Minister Scotland has had, and it’s a crowded field. Has not sought to dissuade anyone of his credentials as a boring bastard because it’s viewed as an electoral asset after years of SNP turmoil. Despite his steady-as-he-goes persona, he’s set to unleash vicious cuts on the public sector that must be resisted. Fond of banning Irish hip hop groups he disagrees with.
Alison Thewliss — SNP — Glasgow Central
Probably not a socialist. Nevertheless, deserves praise for her relentless campaigning at Westminster against the “rape clause” and the two child benefit limit. Until recently worked for Rape Crisis Scotland.
Maree Todd — SNP — Highlands and Islands
Not a socialist. The only SNP MSP to sneak back in on the list, primarily because her party shat it so badly in the Highlands. Rather inoffensive, although she was social care minister during the national care service debacle, which the Government wanted to turn into a procurement service for tax haven-owned firms, before eventually binning the idea entirely.
David Torrance — SNP — Kirkcaldy
Not a socialist. Schoolyard dunce who’s somehow been re-elected three times. Spent the last session on the citizen participation committee — rightly or wrongly, it’s where the parties dump their less competent members — where his main contribution seemed to be reading out Government missives in order to summarily dismiss petitions.
Jenny Young — Labour — Central Scotland and Lothians West
Not a socialist. Former researcher for Michael Marra, according to her Linkedin. We shouldn’t entirely judge folk for who they work for, but she describes him as a “friend” and as established, he’s a knob. On her Twitter feed, she’s also shared a number of those grossly misleading and economically illiterate videos about public finances by insufferable Glasgow MP Gordon McKee.
Instant red flag, which, incidentally is what very few of the new intake look likely to be waving. It’s gonnae be a busy five years.
