Validate
Yesterday, Celestia said, “I love you a little bit, but I love Daddy a lot.”
Earlier, she had asked my husband to carry her, but he couldn’t because his foot was hurting. Even though my TCM doctor advised me not to carry heavy things — especially my girl who is turning five this year — I still carried her. That was when she made that comment about loving me “only a little bit.”
I then told her to come down, as I didn’t want to carry her anymore.
After that, many thoughts started running through my mind:
- Even though I shouldn’t be carrying her, I still chose to.
- I feel like I’m always sacrificing myself for everyone, yet it seems unappreciated.
- This pattern shows up not only in my family, but at work as well.
- I kept asking myself, “Why do I do this? Shouldn’t I be taking better care of myself instead?”
It also reminded me of the testimonial videos on Christine Wong’s website, which talk about how the way we behave and communicate today can stem from childhood trauma. I tried to reflect on my own childhood, wondering what trauma I might have experienced, but at first I couldn’t identify anything. As an only child, I thought I should have been pampered and loved.
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Then I realised that what I lacked growing up was validation. Despite all that I did, I never really received recognition or affirmation from my parents or family.
I didn’t do well academically in school. After failing my O-Level English with an E8, I wasn’t able to enroll in a polytechnic to continue my studies. I retook the subject but received the same result. Somehow, I found the courage to explore private education and enrolled at Thames Business School. I went on to complete my Diploma, Advanced Diploma, and Chartered Institute of Marketing qualifications part-time.
To support myself financially, I worked as a home tutor and a freelance dancer while studying. All the way through to earning my degree, the only validation I truly felt was the moment I wore the graduation cap and gown at the ceremony held at the Ritz-Carlton, with my parents present. Even then, I did not receive verbal affirmation from them — not because they didn’t love me, but perhaps because they did not know how to express validation.
In relationships, I often found myself longing for validation, yet rarely receiving it. The same happened in friendships — I yearned for deep, trustworthy connections but found it hard to build many. Still, over the years, I have continued to grow and slowly learn to give myself the validation I once sought from others.
Looking back on these memories, I realise that what I have truly been searching for all along is validation.
I felt a sense of self-validation again when I was choosing the gifts for Ray’s parents (Francesca’s boyfriend). They preferred not to receive the hamper I had initially planned, so I decided to put together something more thoughtful — bird’s nest, premium strawberries, a can of abalone (175g), and a premium lapis cake that cost $39.
My mum commented that the lapis cake wasn’t worth the price, but to me, the value wasn’t just about cost. I chose these items intentionally because they weren’t the usual Chinese New Year gifts, and I felt they carried more meaning and a personal touch. That thoughtfulness was my way of affirming my own effort and care.
Pls do not be selfish with your validation to someone who is in need. Be generous.
#validation #affirmation
