Member-only story
Now Accepting Applications for Boyfriend: Inquire Within
Seeking an adult male with a…personality.
I’m only interested in applicants who own at least one plant and can prove that they have taken care of this plant, without help from others, for 12 or more continuous months. The plant must not be dying, yellowing, or infected.
Applicants cannot currently be living with their “sister” or their mother.
Please — no recent divorcés or currently separated individuals. Go heal.
Ideally, I want a man who thinks about me before 9 a.m.
If you’re not afraid of black widows — that’s a bonus. I’m Black. And I’m also a widow.
I’m willing to interact with light baggage (e.g., one carry-on and a man-bag), but all unrealized and unmanaged excessive baggage will be immediately rejected — or ejected.
Must not currently be “friends” with one of your ex-girlfriends; this will result in your application being denied. Must not have ex-boyfriends.
No stalkers, future fakers, or drama kings, please.
Must be able to string together words to form intelligible sentences — and then string those sentences together to form even more intelligible conversations.
