Labor
The first thing you need to know about Hercules, as I heard it, is that he was a screw-up. He drank too much, was too emotional, had terrible luck and probably had ADHD on top of it. Those 12 Labors? Penance. He killed his first wife and children because Hera sent insanity into his already addled brain.
By the way, this is what I heard from my two dads, Ares, the God of War, and Hephaestus, God of the Forge. I met Herc later, but they told me of his labors for penance. Even his death was stupid and tragic: So the gods took pity on him, elevated him to Olympus, and married him to Hebe, goddess of youth, who kept him young.
But here’s the second thing you need to know about Herakles, as he was known back then: After about five centuries, he was bored stiff on Olympus. And nothing from here on makes any sense unless you understand the first thing and the second thing.
Herakles started acting out. A little too drunk on nectar a little too often, a little too loud, a little too chaotic, a little too … everything. When Hebe showed up with a black eye, it was too much for Papa Zeus. He called a meeting of the 12 gods.
— But it was an accident! Hebe pleaded before the pantheon as Herakles stood, head bowed. I forgive him!
— Of course you do, my sweet, Zeus replied. You’re the goddess of forgiveness. But penance must be paid. He must labor.
Herakles’ head jerked up. A 13th Labor? he asked.
— I have it, Ares jumped in. Hephaestus and I have one for him on Earth. We’ve been waiting for this.
— Done! Zeus roared. Banished to Earth he is. And Hebe, do what you must.
Out of Olympus Herakles was thrown. And by the time he landed on the beach outside Hephaestus’ seaside cavern, he easily looked a day over 65.
That’s when I met him — I’d been so looking forward to it. I can’t help looking forward, and backward, as my dads created me that way. Hi — I’m Janus. Hephaestus created me on his forge, but it took Ares to breathe life into me. You might know me as the god with two faces, or the one you greet the first month of each year.
Anyway, old Herakles didn’t bat an eye at my two faces when I greeted him at the cavern entrance. Instead, he barked, what’s that yowling?
Oh, that, I replied. That’s Rhea Silvia — Ares knocked her up and she’s in labor.
— Surely this is not my task! Herakles moaned. I am no midwife!
— No, of course not! Something is coming for her, something from the sea. We must prevent it from reaching her. She must bear her twins for a new future to begin.
— Ahhh! the muscle man grinned. Now this is a labor worthy of Herakles! All I need is a weapon. But who are you?
— I am Janus, I declared, holding in my excitement. God of beginnings, endings, transitions and rebirths; duality, passages and time. I am your weapon.
The old man guffawed. You — two faces in a tunic?
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Ares and Hephaestus appeared at the cavern mouth. Rhea’s cries had diminished to groans for now.
— This is a new beginning, Herakles, Ares told him with a grim smile. — The Greeks’ days are numbered. A new tribe, the Etruscans, is rising in Italia. I will birth the love of conquest into them, and Janus says they will rule for more than a millennium. But that birth begins here — with your help.
— The Age of Bronze is ending, Hephaestus said, placing a rough hand on Herakles’ shoulder. The Age of Iron, of my weapons, must begin. You will make sure it does.
— But .. why? Herakles asked. Why end the old ways?
— Was I not thrown out of Olympus like you? Hephaestus replied bitterly.
— And has not Zeus always favored Athena over me? Ares added sourly.
Rhea’s cries rose to a terrible pitch, and the two gods dashed inside.
– It’s that time, Herc, I said — Look!
And yeah, the biggest sea monster ever emerged from the waves, worse than Scylla or a Hydra or any Orca you ever did see. Like a gigantic elephant seal, it waddled ashore, shaking the earth and throwing sand, its high-pitched scream ear-splitting from its enormous maw.
— I’ve seen that its armor is too thick! I yelled. — The only way to stop it is from the inside out!
— As I did to save Hesione years ago! Herakles shouted. — But I had a sword then to cut my way out!
— Carry me on your back, I bellowed, and run inside!
Well, you wouldn’t believe it: He actually obeyed me, and instantly transformed into a young, new, demi-god, his hair golden and his strength multiplied many times over. He tore through the monster’s innards with his bare hands, and we emerged out the other side, flopping onto the shore, the waves washing us clean.
From inside the cavern, distant, we now heard two infants’ cries.
— Romulus! I told the brawny man-god beside me, both of us gasping from the labor. — And Remus. Founders of the new order. It is your job now to protect them, and all future rulers of Rome. I have foreseen good things for you, Hercules. That’s your new name, by the way.
— I like it, he replied. It is strange, but I feel as if I finally have a purpose. He turned to my right-hand face. No more wanderings? No more penance? No more .. being stupid?
— No more. I can promise you that. And no more boredom, either.
Hercules spung to his feet, helped me to mine, and put his arm around my shoulders, heading us toward the cavern.
— Let us, he said, go embrace a new beginning.
