Are you afraid to show up fully and be seen?
Some versions of you were never meant to survive your healing
Growth can feel like betrayal to the selves who kept you safe.
You’ll miss the pleaser. The performer. The protector who never rested.
They weren’t wrong, just built for storms that have already passed.
Letting them go isn’t abandonment.
It’s gratitude.
It’s how you thank them for getting you here.
Most mornings I start the day by writing in my journal — I call it my magic book because I write one page of appreciation and then one page as if I am writing a page in my diary in the future and what I desire has already happened. Often what flows on that page feels intuitively (divinely) guided. I find the practice gives me clarity about what is really important to me. It also sets a focus, and I have had quite a few things that I have written in my magic book manifest in real life.
A few days ago I wrote down on my diary page, “I am a recognised name in the wellbeing space.” The statement had flowed with ease but then I felt my body tense. I have learned to read and listen to my body. I have done a lot of healing work around my fear of being seen, but in that moment, I knew another layer of it was coming up for me to sit with. At first I thought, I will note that and come back to it. And then I recognised that energy is best processed at the time it comes up, and that I probably wouldn’t come back to it later because I would get distracted or subconsciously avoid it.
So I gave myself time, in that moment of fresh feeling, to witness what was being triggered in response to the idea of being a recognised name.
What came up were flashes from my childhood.
As a child I felt like I didn’t really fit anywhere. I felt like the odd one out in my family, at school, and among friends.
As these memories came up what flowed into my diary was:
afraid to be seen
unwanted to be seen
unworthy to be seen
not enough
not right
annoying
upsetting
I was a disappointment. I couldn’t do anything right.
Nobody understands me.
I don’t belong
I am unlovable.
Why doesn’t anyone like me?
What did I do wrong?
These were beliefs that were held in my subconscious mind and in my body in the form of my inner child. The process I was working through was an embodiment practice where you tune into the sensations of the body and listen to what it wants to express.
When I listen to my body I often receive images and visualisations. This may sound a bit too spiritual for some of you, but it doesn’t feel like I think them, it feels like they come into my consciousness from somewhere else. To me they feel intuitively or divinely guided. Even if they are simply my imagination it doesn’t matter if the outcome is healing. Your body responds to what you imagine in the same way to what you physically experience. This is demonstrated when you experience a physical emotional sensation in your body in response to an imagined memory or thought.
I had an image of the younger version of myself that was holding all this limiting pain and fear, and felt intuitively that it was time to let her go and to stop letting her influence my life now.
Through my inner awareness I asked her where she would feel safe to go and live. A vision unfolded of her living a life where she felt safe, however, in the end I sensed she didn’t leave, but rather that through that processing it was okay for her to stay in my heart.
I came back to sensing my body, scanning for any tension, denseness or darkness still connected to this. What I sensed was a heavy darkness at the front of my chest over my heart. As I said an energy clearing statement to release it, I felt that my inner child in my heart space was very afraid to let it go.
These words flowed in response to her fear:
When you have held darkness inside for so long
it can be scary to let it go.
Letting it go can feel like emptiness.
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It is not emptiness.
It is just space.
Space that can now be filled with love and light.
And that can feel scary too;
to let love in,
to shift from the identity connected to the darkness
to one where love and light now fill that space.
It is not just a shift in energy.
It is a relearning of how and who to be.
As the words and tears flowed I felt the darkness slowly break down into dust and move out from my chest and disappear.
Since then I have felt like that heaviness of fear around fully showing up and being seen has lifted. Today as I wrote the statement “I am a recognised name in the wellbeing space” I feel only a fleeting hiccup of tension flow through my body.
I am sharing this story to convey both the message and the method. Personally, training as an embodiment coach is the most valuable thing I have done for my own personal development and mental and emotional healing.
The fear of being seen is really the fear of being negatively judged and rejected or shamed, and it can be a really strong fear. It is fed by comments and actions from others and by our own beliefs of not being enough and not being worthy. I think every human who cares for others has this fear to some degree, and I do not think that we can overcome it, or that we need to. I think it is more effective to learn to walk with it, to integrate it as part of us so that we do not fear the fear and by that let it control us. Through acceptance and love we can provide safety for the parts of us that hold our fear, and in doing so release the denseness and power of it.
Because the world needs your you-ness.
There is something that only you can contribute to this life experience and it lies in your joy. It lies in the things that make your heart sing, because your passion is your purpose. When you are lit up, that is the light that you are here to share. Sharing that requires inner safety, and embodiment work is one of the best ways I know to develop that.
If you want to try this for yourself, here is a practice you can do. Give yourself 10–20 minutes of quiet, uninterrupted time alone.
Sit comfortably. Bring your awareness to your breath. Breathe in through your nose, feel your diaphragm contract downwards and your lower ribs expand. Breathe out long and slow through your nose or mouth and feel your diaphragm and lower ribs come back to rest.
With each exhale feel your body relax a little more.
Breathe until you feel calm and settled.
Write this statement or say it to yourself: It is safe for me to fully show up in all areas of my life
Switch off your conscious thinking mind and move your awareness down into your body, your feet, your belly, your heart. Notice what comes up.
Notice what thoughts come up.
Notice any sensations in your body such as tension, heat, change in heart-rate, numbness, resistance, tingling, heaviness, lightness, changes in breathing, a desire to move in some way, a desire to make a sound, or emotions.
Simply observe with your inner awareness and senses and let everything flow through you.
Maybe ask yourself: “what information does my body have for me about being safe to fully show up in all areas of my life?”
This process is mainly about allowing energy to move in your body, but other information may come up for you. However, if it doesn’t. That’s okay. The simple practice of sitting and listening to your body is a valuable one in terms of building a positive connection between your mind and your body.
If you want you can repeat this practice with the following statements or use them instead if they resonate more with you:
- It is safe for me to be seen
- It is safe for me to be my true self
If you have any questions about this then feel free to ask in the comments or message me.
Aroha nui, much love, Janine
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