Golden Globes — Dos and Don’ts
The 83rd Golden Globes aired last night and I like to think we all learned a lot about what to do and what not to do. Here we go…
Do:
Allow Nikki Glaser to host again. While my favourite host will always be Ricky Gervais (though he’s lost his luster — more on that below), followed by the killer duo of Tina and Amy, Glaser was solid last year and this year. She understands the assignment — poke fun and remain just on this side of offensive. Her jokes at Sean Penn were a highlight — he really is slowly turning into a sexy leather handbag.
Don’t:
Misuse the word “humbled.” There is a plague upon this land. It emerges most often on LinkedIn and at awards shows. A person was just promoted or recognized in some way and they tell the world they are “humbled” by this. Bullshit. Shut up. You are not humbled. You are the exact opposite. Your ego is expanding as you speak. Look up the meaning of the word. Or stop lying. The perpetrator of this word crime at this year’s Golden Globes was Noah Wylie. He seems like a nice guy and I hear the show is great. But now I have to hate him.
Do:
Keep your acceptance speech focused and tight. One fine example was Best Supporting Actor winner Stellan Skarsgård, who pointedly said he was not going to read the credits of the movie he’d just won for (the phenomenal Sentimental Value). Instead, he spoke briefly and eloquently about his family, which is the very thing his film is about. It was specific and memorable. A consummate performer, that Stellan is — he remembers there is an audience that needs to be cared for. (Not for nothing, but Wylie also happened to do one of those speeches that is just a litany of names. I really have nothing against the guy, but he broke a lot of rules last night.)
Don’t:
Say that you didn’t expect to win when you clearly did. Teyana Taylor (Best Supporting Actress, for One Battle After Another), I’m looking at you. You said you almost didn’t prepare a speech and then delivered an impeccably performed, professionally-written speech. It is fine to to deliver a killer performance in an acceptance speech — repeatedly nailing it on the awards show circuit is all part of the campaign for the big prize: Oscar. You are, rightfully, a frontrunner; no need to disingenuously pretend otherwise. Remember that this whole business of false acceptance show speeches was brilliantly skewered and deconstructed by Zoë Kravitz on The Studio. We now live in a word where everyone knows how the sausage is made. Go forth and make your sausage in full view.
Do:
Make good use of the Smartless guys. The presenter banter was, as usual, painful most of the time. But a small handful of presenters delivered some actual laughs and entertainment (Kravitz and Franco, Judd Apatow), and none better than the holy trinity of podcasting: Jason Bateman, Will Arnett and Sean Hayes. Bateman was the butt of the joke, and the bit was actually well written and well performed. Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig were, for many years, the go-to team for awards show banter that didn’t suck. I think that ever-important role can now be passed to these three fellows.
Don’t
Give so much love and attention to the wrong comedians. For some reason, Kevin Hart was the centre of attention — he got extra time on the red carpet and he was talked at often by Glaser and presenters. And then the show went on to give Ricky Gervais best stand up of the year. Here’s the thing — both their latest specials suck. Hart’s comedy is predictable and obvious, and Gervais — who used to be great — is devolving into “old man who shouts at clouds.” There are many excellent, younger, comedians at the peak of their powers right now. I hope Golden Globes can recognize one of them next year.
Do
Reward the right things, which, for the most part, the Golden Globes did, notably One Battle After Another, The Studio and Adolescence. I was particularly delighted to see Rose Byrne take a lead actress award for If I Had Legs I’d Kick You — an amazing performance in a wonderfully weird and quirky film. Come Oscar time, it’ll be a head-to-head battle between her and Jessie Buckley in Hamnet, who also won a Golden Globe last night. I suspect Buckley will win, and that is fine, but I’ll be rooting for Byrne.
Don’t
Forget to pay tribute to Rob Reiner. They came damn close — no references to the recently murdered legend all night—but Glaser saved the day in her farewell by wearing a Spinal Tap hat and firing off some Spinal Tap lines. Not sure why they had to be so subtle — didn’t even say the man’s name — but at least some kind of tribute was paid.
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OK, that’s it. There were other highlights, such as Julia Roberts’ standing ovation and Don Cheadle making fun of George Clooney, but this post is long enough.
Overall, it was a decent broadcast with a respectable list of winners. Sure, I would have liked to see Weapons, Sinners and Severance's Tramell Tillman get more love but you can’t win ’em all.
Awards shows were really sucking for a while there — COVID hurt us in many ways — but I think they’re crawling back out and being not too bad again.
