Ebbs and Flows
I am sitting in my writing chair, yet I do not want to write. Let me rephrase that, though I am sitting in my writing chair and want to write, I feel uninspired and unmoved.
When I realized that today was a writing/posting day, I was super excited because 2.2.22. For months I have been seeing a series of angel numbers and I just knew that I would be moved to share that story or tap into whatever energy the day gave me, but here I am. We are on day 2 of Black History Month and I am aware of big moves happening, but instead I am 5434675 into a random R&B playlist and nothing. I can’t say the day started off any differently than any other day and I’m not sure that anything triggered the shift in my energy, but no idea, no sparks, nada. Instead, I sit in my writing chair dressed for a very casual zoom meeting, with thoughts running a marathon to Anchorage. So today I am practicing discipline.
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Though my fingers don’t have a story embedded into them today, I write anyway. Though history would have me say if you’re uninspired just nap it away, I write anyway. I write because I made a commitment to myself to post three times a week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Though, I’ve been a few hours late before and nearly had a heart attack about it; for the most part I’ve stayed the course.
Life is very lifey and the fact that we are in Gatorade (that’s what I call retrograde by the way) doesn’t make it any better. It is easy to let the “noise” that is happening around us deter us from things we want, commitments we’ve made and just about anything. I’m not sure there will ever be a point when the world isn’t “noisy”, but there is always an opportunity to push through. And be gentle with yourself — having to push yourself doesn’t make you less capable, less committed, or less worthy, it just means today was a day that was a little “noisier” than others. Pushing through is the commendable action because in my opinion, not doing something is easier than doing it.
So, I write.
I hope this crosses your path. Yes, you! The one who was over it and said I’ll just do it tomorrow and the one who was annoyed with the day AND the amount of money they spent to try and “fix” it. You who felt defeated because today’s goals didn’t seem to be conquered as easily and you with the bag of chips scrolling the night away because this day was meh. Be gentle with yourself. Today was “noisy”, but there’s still time to push through, still time to practice discipline and still time to get it done, whatever your it may be.
In the words of Dory, “Just keep swimming.”
