Randomness #1
“Is it even worth it to reminisce
To crave for a love that never exists…”
Thinking about someone liking you usually makes you smile and daydream, doesn’t it? It fills your head with all kinds of happy what-ifs and makes your heart beat a little faster. But sometimes, it doesn’t work that way. There’s that sharp moment when the daydream fades, and you realize nothing is actually mutual, or worse, you see the truth you’ve been ignoring. It stings, and all those hopeful feelings suddenly feel embarrassing and heavy, leaving you wishing you could go back and unthink every little fantasy.
Looking back at my old crushes is embarrassing because I only liked the version of them I made up in my head. Little things like accidental glances, shy smiles, or being paired together made me think it was fate, and it got my hopes up. Maybe it was just a typical teenage phase. But looking back now, I realize idealizing people never leads to anything real — it just sets you up to be disappointed. I learned that you can miss the actual person in front of you when you are too busy chasing the perfect version of them in your own mind.
I completely imagined a version of them that liked me back. They all started out as fun ‘happy crushes,’ but a few of them hit harder, changed my perspective, and gave me a harsh reality check.
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So back in high school, my friends introduced me to the whole ‘happy crush’ thing. Naturally, I picked the class clown and fell completely, embarrassingly hard for him. I basically turned into his personal people-pleaser. I was 100% convinced that every time he asked for a favor or did something nice, it was some secret romantic signal. My friends tried to gently tell me he was just acting normal, but I was a fan of the saying “I must see it to believe it,” so I totally ignored them. I stayed fully committed to my little delusion right up until I overheard him tell his friend, ‘Her? Nah, just a good friend. It’d be hilarious if she actually thought I liked her.’ Looking back, it’s literally like that cliché high school drama plot where the female lead gets her heart crushed by her first love. Except, instead of getting a beautiful, slow-motion crying scene in the rain with a sad OST playing in the background, I was just left seated on the bench under the acacia tree, reevaluating my own terrible life choices and cringing bout it. Like, wtf??
The next guy literally made my life miserable. I was the class president — a role I won but never actually wanted — and he was my vice president. Since I was new to the leadership role, he used it as an excuse to overstep, constantly taking over my assigned management tasks without my knowledge of the changes in decision-making. It bruised my ego so badly that I eventually just stepped back, letting him do whatever he wanted while my own reputation crashed. Moreover, I’ll admit he’s smart, attentive, and a natural leader, but he has zero ability to ‘read the room.’ He would constantly hijack my assigned tasks under the guise of ‘just wanting to help,’ which usually resulted in both of us doing the exact same work because I refused to abandon my responsibilities, and he refused to give up.
Weirdly enough, I actually developed feelings for him, but I just could not admit it. I’d spot him instantly in a crowd, recognize his voice anywhere, and worry way too much when he was feeling down. Heck, I didn’t even notice until I tried deleting all traces of him later, but about 20% of the school event photos stored on my hard drive were just him or at least his on it (what was I even thinking back then?). I truly believed he was genuine — that beneath his mask, his actions came from good intentions. I thought he was that rare, one-in-a-thousand guy who was actually competing fair and square in the academic race.
To my disappointment, he wasn’t who I thought he was at all. He was just scheming to shine and play the class hero. Super smart? Not really — he just knew exactly how to cheat the system for a damn grade (which I honestly envy, because if I tried that, karma would get me the exact same day!). And that ‘nice guy’ routine? Lol. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but when I started asking around, my classmates’ stories made total sense. Every single thing he did was just a desperate grab for recognition; underneath it all, his real personality is actually…very human(?). We, my friends and his, actually got into a pitiful fight back then, and that’s when it was revealed. But what disappoints me most isn’t even his actions — it’s myself. I’m mad that I fell for the fake image of him I built in my own head.
Looking back, I can see I was projecting my own desires onto people, turning innocent ‘happy crushes’ into harsh lessons about reality. Snapping out of those illusions was difficult, but it taught me the importance of seeing people as they really are, not just as who I wanted them to be. Now, I find myself more cautious about romance and more aware of how easily my imagination can cloud my judgment. I’m grateful for what I learned, but I also wish I hadn’t needed to go through it all to understand these lessons.
If you’re in a similar situation, my advice is to stay grounded and observe both how your crush treats you and others. Remember — fantasies can obscure reality and your own peace of mind. Before risking a friendship or your own well-being, pause and reflect. It’s normal to experience these feelings; what matters is learning to recognize the difference between genuine connection and what you may wish was there.
Soooo… that was just my experience and my thoughts. As a quick disclaimer, your choices still totally depend on your own situation. But if you want some highly dangerous, chaotic advice? Forget everything I just said and just do it for the PLOT!! WHAHAHAHAH
