Thinking Positively
I hate being told to think positively. It doesn’t work. I mean, yes, if you are undertaking a particular task then it helps to envision the completion of it and work towards that goal as diligently as possible. So, let’s say you’re building a cabin in the forest; after selecting a nice spot in between the trees, with a gorgeous view of a valley before it, you imagine how nice it would be to sit and watch the sunset on a porch of your own making and set about chopping up some wood. As the beads of sweat roll down your brow you fix your mind on the thought of the orange glow disappearing over the horizon and the sound of birdsong being replaced by crickets.
However. If you get mauled by a bear, what’s the point!
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It actually doesn’t matter if you keep thinking about sipping cocoa on the veranda. Not if you’ve had your mouth ripped off anyway. In fact, if you continue to think positively during a bear attack you’re a moron. You should be thinking negatively. “Shit, I’m being mauled by a bear!” you should think. “I should abandon what I’m doing immediately. Where’s my mouth gone?”
People who say “Think positively” never take this into account. They are just the lucky few who somehow never seem to get two red lights in a row. Statistically, out of the billions of people who populate the Earth, there are some people for whom bad things just don’t happen. And guess what - they’re happy. They’re really fucking happy. They’re happy because the world is a playground where whatever they try they do well at. And this incessant success that they’ve been having since the moment that one-in-a-billion sperm fused with their mum’s ovum has brought about an overall enthusiastic - one might say - positive outlook in them. And then of course they ascribe all that success to positive thinking. Never for a moment considering that they’re nothing more than a biological pair of dice in a cosmological casino.
“Ah, but if you don’t envision your goals how can you achieve them?” they say. Who cares! What does it matter when there are bears? Seriously, bears ruin everything. And it’s not like you can even kill bears anymore because of the guilt. Fuck bears!
In fact, people who say “Think positively” are just bears in disguise. They’re bears who’ve shaved and got good jobs and play squash on Wednesday evenings. They’re bears who go on holiday to places that aren’t Spain or Greece. They’re bears who speak three languages and can cook with a tagine. People who say “Think positively” are bears who have art on the walls and books that they’ve actually read. They’re bears who cycle to work and discover little cafes that do the best coffee. They’re bears that have abs and play the piano and don’t get bored when listening to others. They’re bears, who… just, be, bears. Big furry majestic bears with big massive claws and a propensity for catching salmon. So don’t listen to them unless you are a bear yourself. You cannot become a bear, ever. No matter how much you try. And the quicker you accept that, the happier you’ll be.
