Transformed
We went to Puerto Galera to break up.
It is weird, right?
Joshua and I were able to go through the flood, Volcanic eruption, and pandemic lockdown, only to break up during a trip to Puerto Galera. “Alas siete na bilisan mo naman.” Joshua impatiently raised his voice to me while preparing our stuff for our trip. “Kalma. I got this.” I told him but to be honest I wanted to say na sana kasi tinutulungan mo na lang ako. I know saying this will just anger him more and it’ll be long travel of sumbatan at sigawan in his car. I don’t want to ruin our trip with Mikee and Marco, the M&M couple, we planned this na nun lockdown pa.
Then I heard his busina na. Long and screaming “bilisan mo na.” He rolled his eyes while I just smiled and told him “Let’s go, babe.” We picked up Mikee and Marco somewhere South. Joshua’s mood shifted from irritable to makuwela. As if everything is okay. I just shrugged off this sudden change of his character. Because, again, I want to enjoy this trip. After years of lockdown, finally, I can see the sea! Listen to it while writing some projects.
We got to the Batangas port where Joshua was greeted by the driver of our boat. His name is Kuya Kaloy and he is the contact of Tita Rita, Joshua’s mom, whenever they go to Puerto Galera. Kuya Kaloy walked to us and in his strongest Batangeño accent told us to register before riding the boat. At the port, Tita Rita, Jonas, and July waited for us. Jonas is the middle child while July is the youngest, whom I am very close. Another car arrived, it was Kelvin and Andrew. Joshua’s badminton friends. Tita Rita paid for our travel trip since she said she also wanted to see the beach para libangin ang sarili months after Tito Jet passed away, Joshua’s stepdad. The rest of the trip, I curated since Tita Rita loves my management skills always saying to me “Alam mo your Tito Jet and I really love you and super happy kami that Joshua found someone like you Ace. Someday, please help Joshua to manage our bakeries in Pandi ha?” She would always hug me and kiss me on my forehead like her own son. “July please paki abot this to your kuya Ace this is my pasalubong for him.” Tita Rita’s pahabol. Once we were on board Kuya Kaloy and his staff passed our life jackets. Joshua fixed mine and kissed me on my forehead. I hugged him in return but he did not look at me instead listened to the instructions of one of the staff. Tita Rita and I went to the back of the boat to watch the splash of water as the boat ran. She smiled at me and hugged me for a selfie then insisting that I should have brought my mom para daw magmarehan sila. She’s so adorable and funny which is Joshua’s complete opposite. Bugnutin.
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As we got off the boat and got to our hotel, I sent everyone the activity for the night which was just a quick gala and then dinner to this local gay resto bar with drag queens performing. Tita Rita was so happy because she loves watching comedians and drag queens in Morato dati. Joshua on the other hand is giving me the vibes of pagod sya and don’t bother him. He lay down on our bed and then I tried to hug him but he removed my arms. May naramdaman akong kirot at that moment. Ayaw na ba nya sa akin?
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On our way to dinner, the white beach of Galera welcomed us with a concert on the beach, fire dancers, loud music, and lots of people. Too many people that the sidewalk becomes the extension of each bar. Too many gays actually. Different vendors selling pearls, couple walking holding hands, meanwhile my boyfriend was with his badminton friends and I saw them counting the hot guys who pass them and laugh about it. While we were having dinner at At the Pink’s, Tita Rita pulled out her wallet and gave the drag queens a 5k tip. I told Joshua na same kayo ni Tita pag nalalasing nagiging too generous and he laughed. After a while, Tita Rita was already drunk so July and I decided to bring her to her room and help her rest. After assisting Tita Rita, I told July that she could go back na sa At the Pink’s because I wanted to get clean na and rest. I will try to go back but unfortunately, I already passed out in our bed minutes after July left.
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In the morning, I was looking for Joshua because apparently, I was alone the whole night. Tequila got me last night again and I really really hate that alcohol. I asked July where is her kuya. She couldn’t look at me nor respond. So, I came closer to ask the question more clearly “asan ang kuya mo.” Tears started to fall from her eyes and she made a gesture pointing to the room next to theirs which was the room of Kelvin and Andrew. Unfortunately, the room was not locked and the first thing I saw was three underwear on the floor, a box of condoms, and an opened lube sachet. On the bed the three of them were naked.
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I bolted out of that room and went to Mikee and Marco’s room dragging them out of their room while ugly crying. I told them “samahan nyo ako saglit mag snorkeling tayo.” Even though I was dying inside and wanted to end everything. “Teh, anung snorkeling? anung nangyayare bakit ka ngumangalngal.” Marco asked.
After an hour of watching turtles, corals, and fish. We sat at the white sand. I told them na ganun pala yon. Kaya sya laging galit sa akin, laging syang iritable, bawat pagkakamali ko nagiging big deal, yun mga small things na di ko magawa ng tama dati pinagatatawan nya lang, ngayon lahat kinaiinisan nya. Kulang na lang sabihin nya sa akin wag akong huminga. Isa pala yun sa mga flags na he is losing his love for me. But I also told them that another thing I noticed is that he is making plans and not including or considering me. Parties or out of town na wala ako. Future plans na hindi nya ako nacoconsider or our relationship. Ganun pala yon. When everything you do becomes his source of irritation laging kang sinusungitan or inaaway and when he cannot see you anymore in his future. Yun yun his love already transformed into another thing, into something else, an opposite of love.Suddenly, my whole existence in this relationship felt like just a burden for him. “Alam mo nagugulat nga ako minsan on the way he speaks to you. Bakit ka nya laging sinusungitan?” Mikee asked. “I honestly don’t know before pero I guess alam ko na.” I replied while washing my feet with sea water.
I was hugging my knees on the sand while crying. Joshua suddenly appeared out of nowhere and sat next to me. Marko and Mikee remain silent. “ I don’t think I can apologize for what happened. But I am truly sorry for hurting you.” He said while trying to take my hand which I shake off. “You know what?? fck you. You should have told me the problem before we got here. Ang sakit Joshua. You made me feel less of who I am. Everytime na sisigawan mo ko, nakasinghal ka, or galit ka I was blaming myself. I felt like ang bobo ko for you. Na it’s my fault? Only to find ou this? Tama na to. Umuwi na tayo at maghiwalay na tayo pagdating natin sa condo.”
After our lunch, which Tita Rita barely survived because of her hangover, Joshua, Mikee, Marko, and I endured the long hour of travel going back home in silence. When my presence becomes his source of irritation he and cannot see me as part of his future plans anymore, I think it should have been clear to me ayaw na nya sa akin. So, now we are coming back home with a broken heart and tired soul.
It’s funny, no? We survived everything in this 5-year relationship from flood, Mayon, to Covid-19? Pero, it took one travel to the beach to reveal and end everything? I always thought that going to the beach was refreshing and relaxing, I never thought that it could also be this painful.
