The Kids Project Reveals How Death Cannot Be Accepted

I enjoyed a long and rewarding cross-cultural marriage with my wife, Kwija. She grew up in Japan; I grew up in America. Our marriage beat the odds. Many cross-cultural marriages last only a few years and end in divorce. But ours lasted 27 years and ended with Kwija’s death.

The marriage worked because we both wanted to learn about and take on each other’s culture.

I introduced her to Led Zeppelin, Mexican food, cornbread, and Looney Tunes cartoons. She grew to love them. Enjoying these things together strengthened our bond.

She taught me admirable Japanese traits: Being polite to show consideration to others. Applying calm focused attention to whatever you do — so you do it well. The habit of taking off shoes indoors. Also an ability to immediately initiate a personal relationship with every cat you meet.

Our marriage worked because we adopted uplifting parts of each other’s culture. I recommend this as key for all couples in cross-cultural marriages. But there was something else that bonded us even tighter: The Kids Project — our children, Julia and Peter.

In the years before we had kids, we spent hours facing each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. Once we had kids, the geometry changed. We spent hours shoulder to shoulder, gazing forward at baby Julia crushing around the floor. Our family formed a triangle. Then Peter arrived and it became a square: Kwija and me on one side of the square — still shoulder to…