How many of you have thought, time and time again, that — WHAT IF I had made a different decision before, or when that happened? We may try and blame others for our life events, but in the end, wasn’t it all about our own good or bad decisions, and our own choices?
I am a woman past her prime, i.e. beyond 50 years of age. I know, I know, many of you will say that age is all “in the mind”. Perhaps it is, but let’s not focus on that right now. Every time I look back at my life and my past, I can’t help but ‘blame’ the past for my present. Nevertheless, I thank God every day for helping me survive (both mentally and financially). Believe me, it has not been easy.
The gist of what happened? An Anglo-Indian Catholic woman falls in love with a Tamilian Hindu Brahmin (Tambrahm) man in the 1960s. Their marriage was doomed from the start. This is a tale of “Two States” ending up all wrong, for those who’ve read the book or seen the movie!
His family never forgave him, and their children struggled in a post-Independence era, where Anglo Indians were fast leaving the country, seeing no future in India. Armed with an Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) — one of the world-renowned engineering colleges, at par with MIT, since the 1960s, where most of the graduates left India leading to our country’s brain-drain — engineering degree, their father was offered several jobs in the US, but didn’t go. Instead he tried his hand at business in India and failed miserably.
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The children were brought up by a “white” Scottish stepmother, and German/Irish nuns and brothers in boarding school. Although the stepmother was a great companion to their father, she had no clue on how to raise children. Thus, the children learned nothing about life — driving, relationships, health and household matters were a mystery to them. The children excelled in academics, but were like bullet trains with no brakes, heading for disaster. With both his career and marriages falling apart, their father fled to south India, without a thought for his children.
This is a story about three generations of misfits (Anglo Indians) in India, now ‘diluted’, and how circumstances led them to make mistake after mistake. From surviving her parents’ divorce, to working in Southeast Asia and experiencing her own divorce and life thereafter, this is a tale filled with strife and rebuilding, yet littered with comedy. This book also serves as a great guide for both parents and children on what ‘not to do’.
What follows are episodes from my life, where I feel my parents and I made all the wrong choices or decisions, and though I am in a happy place right now, there is always that niggling thought that pops up now and then — WHAT IF…
Now to begin this story, I really don’t know where to start. They say that to move one step forward you must take two steps back. I’d rather keep going, thank you very much! But perhaps I should explain what my parents did first. This letter to my son last year explains the confusion most people go through when they hear my family’s story.
(P.S. Most of this is an exaggerated version of the truth. No offence meant. Do let me know if this interests you. Have a great day!)
