RE: Tragedy
One of my favorite authors, Rachel Held Evans, explains that “to ‘hold space’ for someone is to simply sit with them in their pain, without judgement or solutions, and remain present and attentive no matter the outcome.” The hurt that has built up these past few weeks looks like drafting emails to survivors of the terrorists bombings in Sri Lanka and receiving text messages stating: “Call your friends at UNCC now. There’s been a shooting.” Despite the disappointment I have living in a world where such sorrow-filled news is a daily reality, there needs to be something said about the patronizing approach we have in responding to other people’s pain.
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Following the attack at the Jewish synagogue in California, I received an email from Furman University mourning the aftermath of yet another hate crime. After acknowledging the event, the email went on to state that our university is one “that embraces difference and celebrates diversity.” It reaffirmed students that a community “of good will and higher learning can ensure that our places of worship, schools, and our places of work are not used as battlefields for violence, hatred, or prejudice.” As much as I want to believe these words are true, these events are not about how we are not like them.
The aftermath of disaster is not the time to market ourselves as evolved communities that do not consist of similar forms of discrimination. Saying our university is not like the places where hate crimes happen dilutes or downplays the discrimination that does occur at Furman. There are times that we need to focus on healing and restoration together and there are times we need to remind ourselves of our progress in terms of diversity and inclusiveness. However, to help others come into the fullness of their healing means to validate their pain in the face of disasters as opposed to reminding them that our own systems are advanced. We need to ‘hold space’ to unite in pain with no judgment, solutions, or self-affirmations. The danger in turning tragedies into an opportunity for triumphalism is to water down the lived experiences of those directly affected. The answers to questions of injustice were irrelevant in the moments my friends at UNCC came to me uncertain of how to move forward. Similarly, conversations about how Furman “celebrates diversity” after a series of violent attacks on religious people remain…irrelevant.
I am not sure how to grieve amidst finals, graduation, and transitions, but I am learning that sometimes the best response we can have is to listen deeply. As we work on deepening our compassion for others, my hope is that we can listen to stories of trauma and continue to reflect on what is, when the ‘what is’ is hard. After all, the most we we can do for each other is show up to the messiness that comes with life and to remind ourselves that it is hard to heal wounds that we pretend do not exist. The gift of receiving an education grants us the ability to be reflective and critical of our systems, our coping mechanisms, our processes, and our journey — and, when necessary, we must remember to slow down and sit with those alongside us.
