whirlwind socks & fornication
jesters bleed from my breasts
choking on my beats singing my pain
singing my pain
singing my fucking rain dance
shouting into the sirens breaking the barriers of lies, spies and fucking rules
breaking the barriers breaking the barriers not giving a care
caterpillars not giving a single fuck
hush hush push fucking push bleed
bleeding to feel alive just to be sure
just to be sure
where am i? what is this? even with their company at a distance this song is still so loud
i let my power out when im in … pieces
adapting to pain, growing in rain, finished with shame
screaming in the silence
nothing is wrong with me!
it’s them! its all of them! it’s all of you
fuck that wall
FUCK THIS WALL
i want RAW I WANT TO BE
i’m still waiting to be alive
blood isn’t enough, my nightmares loves this part- where i believe reality is truth
but we know
we know
we just don’t care
there’s no one else in the world who understands
but it feels good to release
knowing im the only one who gets me
sailing away with laughter with jokes and melodies
harmony and guitars
softly making eye contact
he’s holding my palm, kissing the top of my shoulder, asking for permission
- * breathes *
remember what love first feels like?
remind me before i let go
snowing like a holy holiday next to the fire fire fireplace
moan with music as he lifts my chin up
touching my other side
i shyly hope… maybe… i could die like this
maybe i could die so romantically
but then after the heat
a chilling cold — freezer-like
platonic plants without soil
soiled with … what?
moving on…
who gets me? who needs a hug like me?
who’s saved more lives than me?
i wept.
i’m back and i love these moments where everyone forgets to pray for me
the mailman at the window suddenly stops and remembers..
the message
i smile, he’s in uniform but i can smell him
i smell everyone
they lie for hugs
i’m over my head i won’t lie i get nothing
i’m stronger
stronger
stronger stronger
stronger
stronger
stronger
stronger
stronger
there when you need a hug
let me be.
i don’t even want your love
i want your truth
i want my peace
i want my sanity
i want my death to be truth into life
i crave eternity
i crave truth
ill be ruthless and bleed violently into my guitar and pelvis
bleeding from my legs, through my skin
dancing on coals of culture and vibrancy
losing my fucking mind into freedom
i don’t want your kiss of betrayal
i don’t want anything
i want nothing
i want everything
i want to not escape but to be free
to be honest
for me to be real in a world of lies
i meant to stop but i’ve got more to say
triggered by the heat of the moment
triggered by the worry
triggered by how much joy and bliss i feel from losing my fucking weight
weightless
effortless and vibrating with simplicity
fighting daily to … smile… genuinely
blinking
singing the kids into the suits and wallets, the oven and the witches front door… preparing for dinner … with other adults
nobody is guilty but me
lost my appetite
nobody is happy whats the real menu
lie to them like spaghetti
wrapped up in tombs, blood, metal and lust
screaming into glass
smoking into glass
drinking from the glass
violins, harmonica and slow dancing
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letting your hair down stairs into the sea
walking up into the ocean
walking down into the sky
side by side theres a question
“what now?” everyone riddled but we all have different answers
some want to conquer
some want to be conquered
some want to sleep
some just want to be left alone
some want validation
some want more always more
some dont work but blame
some are too cheap to love for free
yeah you
yeah some want to sing but not for free
some want love but not for free
some want to dance
some want violence for peace
“look at my mind… floating away…
hes the kind of guy that says lets get away lets go somewhere…. i want to be what he wants and whenever he wants… daydreaming…. daydreamings…. where i dont c-a-r-e”
he wants you jealous
he wants you in pain about him
he wants you high
he wants you dead over him so he can feel alive, so he can feel… anything
and theres not a single person at your funeral
float in the ocean where you are valued
float
float
daydreaming
daydreaming
navy seals
day dream ing
horses treading on the sand
the war hasnt even begun
makeup and fancy meals
make me believe
reigning with a victorious roar of wisdom
replaced with choirs of oceans and ancestors
you will win this mysterio us war
you will win
you already know youve won so die with honour
blink
blink again
youre still in this
theres no hugs while in battle
dont fall for the company
blood lost its a given
they wave for distractions its a sign
they show the movie climax
horses violently kill one another
bullets tear apart faces mostly brown
dads bury their pale fleshings, tenderlings
german scholars guilty for smiling
haitians eating sand
elections choosing which heartbeats eat
until its time for bed
go to bed
go to bed
where is my friend?
they drank
they went to guyana and theyre not coming back from Hollywood
they made it
sitting at the table of golden heights sipping champagne of anchors in the orbit of confusion
and when youre disciplined, you wake up alone
but your steady horse is waiting for you by the closet
and youll find your damsel in distress
and ill watch and ride off into the sunset
the sun invites me into home
there … there is my only home
returning to the bass
returning to the piana the piano the ebony
returnin to the luck
the lack of fucks
in a carousel of wonder
up and down and side about and all over
questions and theory and aha’s!
AHA! AHA! AHA!
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ….
mmmmmmmm … ahhhh… and i OOP
grrrrrr…. catapult into wisdom
into Egypt
did you know someone loves for you like youve never known?
dance with me without touching me
dance with my emotions
dance with my outbursts
i will not be contained
who among you is a better dancer?
who BLEEDS mmmm WHO BLEEDS
who BEARS AND LIONS AND GIRAFFES MY SCARS
Mmmmm MMMMM MMMM AHHH AHHH ALKKK
PAAAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
dance with me
dance until you bleed and chance a change and dance and advance and above the horizon and dimensions open up portals of exploration
experience me spiritually
you never knew me
and i never knew you
you just were lucky to touch my words
bow out because what you dont know is
the music is still going and youre still dancing…
but i left.
