Ending a Marriage
Last evening, I communicated to my wife that I no longer felt we should remain married. My therapist has continually stated that I was in a grieving state about my marriage, and I just want a better, happier life for me and the whole family. My parents struggled through a gruesome marriage that scarred my brother and I terribly. Julie has never to my knowledge cheated on me, but she has not enriched my life spiritually nor emotionally for a long time now. She really struggles with anxiety and depression, OCD, and eating and weight issues. I have known her for 17 years, and much of married life has been significantly affected by these issues. The struggles have left me at a point where I generally do not respect or love her anymore.
There have been bright spots in our marriage, but they usually involve an outside influence or significant plan and effort on my part. Our daughter (21/2 y/o) is the best thing that resulted from our marriage. She is great and I love her so much. Our dogs over the years (Lazarus, Moses, Magellan, Dolly, and Tater Tot) have also brought us a lot of happiness, however our relationship really was challenged with the losses of Lazarus and Moses. Other good times have been trips to New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles that included significant planning and effort on my part.
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As a Christian, I struggle with the idea of divorce. The Old Testament law, Jesus, and Paul are pretty clear about avoiding breaking a marriage. There are two ways I am internally justifying my choice…
- Paul tells believers that they are no longer under the auspices of the law if they are born again. I feel my wife constrains my spiritual growth and she constantly struggles with moving beyond very basic levels of theology.
- I do not really believe we have truly been married. Even last night Julie called our marriage a partnership. Levels of intimacy and emotional connection have never developed as I believe they should. She blames me for being too critical and demanding, but her style of interaction is a combination of smothering and being distant.
I am concerned about the future relationship with my daughter, but I am trusting that God will show mercy on me and our situation so that I can continue to be a major part of her life. I want to keep my relationship with Julie as civil as possible. I want to co-parent. LORD bless this situation as much as you can so the hurt we have experienced over the 17 years we have known each other will lift from our conscience and we can overcome a tough situation for the betterment of all parties involved.
Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
