Finding the Silver Lining
Yogyakarta, 28th of June 2026
It’s been almost half a year since the last time I posted the most heartfelt writings. To be honest, I wrote lotta drafts here since last year, but none of them were posted. Turns out I feel more comfortable letting my thoughts out on paper lately, so you will find my room full of books. But here I am writing this at midnight, one week before my special day (iykyk)
She spent her days with her thoughts and heals. Sometimes, she is wondering the experiences she had before taught her to be stronger or what kinda person she will become. These months after her homecoming from the farthest continent she’d ever been to, she always leaves everything to time, so that it will mend broken hearts, no matter what. As she could guess, sometimes it is true.
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Upon her return, she was so fragile and needed time to herself so badly that she shut out everything disrupt her peace, even just a little bit. Some people out there might say she is overreacting, or maybe that judgmental voice might be echoing the same thing, too. But the truth is, people never really know the battles she fought behind closed doors, especially when she was thousands of miles from home. People do not see the silent efforts she made or the pain of being mistreated and disrespected in a country that was not even hers. It was never her intention to lash out at others, to really need her own space. On the outside, she might look completely different now: her pace is faster, and her problem-solving skills are unmatched. And honestly, how could she not change? She was entirely on her own out there. Most of the time, she questions herself about those past experiences. When she finally opens up, the subtle gasp from her friends validates everything she felt.
Yet, she refuses to let the darkness win. She is still sifting through the ashes, searching for a redeeming grace. Perhaps this is just how life works. She feels like Allah wanted her to learn how to be kind to herself, a painful awakening, that at the end of the day, the only person who will truly stand up for her is her¹. It was agonizing, and it left deep trauma. But it also taught her how to navigate toxic people. It honestly blows her mind that such cruel individuals exist in this world². She’d always known we should be respectful. But ironically, being degraded made her fiercely protective of other people’s dignity. She firmly believes everyone deserves a fundamental right to be heard and respected firmly believe everyone deserves a fundamental right to be heard and respected³. Lastly, she learned the art of letting go. She knows that she can pour her entire heart into trying, but she also knows her limits⁴. If someone refuses to meet her halfway, she won’t force it. She will no longer force things that were never meant to be bent to her will.
The trip didn’t make you weak; it stripped away who you thought you were and forced you to meet the real, unbreakable version of yourself. You went out looking for a dream, but you came back as an anchor.
